


I Knew it Wasn’t You

by Superhero_Obsessed21



Category: The Flash (TV 2014)
Genre: Angst and Hurt/Comfort, Anxiety Attacks, Barry Allen is The Flash, Caretaking, Dry Orgasm, Emotional Health, Emotional Hurt/Comfort, F/M, Family Feels, Friendship, Hurt/Comfort, Love, Masturbation, Mild Sexual Content, Multi, Oral Sex, Sad with a Happy Ending, Sexual Content, Sickfic, Team as Family, Vaginal Sex
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-09-10
Updated: 2020-09-22
Packaged: 2021-03-06 17:34:19
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 11
Words: 27,313
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/26382712
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Superhero_Obsessed21/pseuds/Superhero_Obsessed21
Summary: This is my take on the Mirror Iris angle from season 6. This story will focus on Barry. What happens to him when he learns his wife is gone, both emotionally and physically. What he’ll go through to get her back, and how his friends and family will help him along the way.
Relationships: Barry Allen & Caitlin Snow, Barry Allen & Cisco Ramon, Barry Allen & Joe West, Barry Allen/Iris West
Comments: 6
Kudos: 25





	1. That’s Not Iris

**Author's Note:**

> Although I don’t anticipate there being any sexual content in this story, I do anticipate using adult themes. Be advised that the rating may change as the story progresses.
> 
> Updated: Chapters that contain sexual content will be noted the same.

Barry hadn’t felt well all week, but even a temperature of 102 couldn’t stop The Flash. At least until about an hour ago when he had passed out in the Cortex.

Caitlin and Cisco had just moved him into a medical bed. 

“I’m fine.”, he was so sick they could barely hear him. 

“I know Barr, but just humor me and try and rest for a little while.”

Once Caitlin finished attaching the IV to his hand she quickly gave him something to help him sleep, and once he was asleep, she started to treat him medicinally. 

“Man is he stubborn.” 

“He’s not used to being sick Cisco.”

“Yeah, about that, he still has some speedforce left right?

“He does.”, Caitlin confirmed as she placed an oxygen mask over Barry’s nose and mouth.

“So why isn’t his speed healing working?”

“It is, but not like it should be, and he’s not helping his body fight this running around town the way he has been all week.”

“Let’s see what’s going on.”, Caitlin said out loud as she took two tubes of Barry’s blood. 

“His vitals are terrible.”, Cisco said looking at the screen. “His oxygen...”, Cisco frowned. 

They were both extremely upset at the moment looking at the numbers. His temperature was 104 and climbing, he was having trouble breathing, his blood pressure, heart rate, it was all just really bad, especially for Barry. 

While Caitlin looked at his blood Cisco called Iris.

“She said she’ll be here in an hour or so.”

That wasn’t like Iris. Normally she wouldn’t have been able to get there fast enough, but lately she hadn’t really seemed like herself, so her response didn’t surprise Cisco all that much. 

“Well that’s fine because he’s not going anywhere anytime soon.”, Caitlin chimed in.

Over the next two hours Caitlin provided non-stop medicine into his IV, including medicine to keep him so sleepy he wouldn’t attempt to fight it. 

Iris had stopped in for about ten minutes, but after a quick trip to his bedside she had to leave for a meeting with a client she said she just couldn’t miss.

“He has pneumonia Iris.”, Caitlin had said. “We could really use your help when he wakes up. I don’t want him running right back out there.

“He’ll be fine.”, Iris said. “I mean he is The Flash.”, she said nonchalantly as she left the Cortex. 

“What is going on with her?”, Cisco asked in frustration. 

“I don’t know Cisco. All I know is that she’s trying to “come into her own”, according to Barry. 

“With no concern for her husband anymore it seems.”, Cisco said under his breath, but loud enough for Caitlin to hear. 

It was true, Iris would never leave Barry’s side in this condition. Something was definitely not right. 

Caitlin didn’t let up on the meds for another two hours. When he woke up his vitals still weren’t great, but his temperature was down to 101.6, and his oxygen intake had improved enough so that she could remove the mask. 

“Cait?”, he looked around disoriented.

“Yeah Barr.”, she said softly rubbing his arm. She had left the IV in. That way she could continue pumping medication into him, at least until he protested. 

“I feel terrible.”, she still could barely hear him.

“I know Barr, but hang in there, the medicine I’m giving you seems to be working.

He looked at his arm and shook his head in acknowledgment.

“Is Iris here?”

Caitlin pulled a chair up next to him.

“She was, but there was something at the Citizen that couldn’t wait.”

Barry looked over at her, he seemed so helpless, and sad.

“I’m sure she’ll be back as soon as she can.” She rubbed his arm again. “Try and get some more sleep, ok?”

“Yeah, ok.”, he closed his eyes, and seconds later, he fell back to sleep. 

Almost three hours later Iris returned and she did not look happy.

Caitlin had just removed Barry’s IV and he had just sat up to eat a bowl of soup Cisco had brought back for him. His fever was still there, he hadn’t shaken it, but it hadn’t risen again. His other symptoms were slowly improving, but just by looking at him you could tell he was really sick, and that he felt sick too. 

“WHY ARE YOU STILL HERE BARRY?!”, Iris yelled walking into the Cortex.

“I needed you today. I lost a source because he didn’t feel safe without seeing The Flash, which I had promised him he would.”

“He’s sick Iris.”, Caitlin answered on behalf of Barry.

“I wasn’t talking to you, was I?”

Before it got out of hand between the girls Barry chimed in.

“I fell asleep, it’s my fault. I’m sorry Iris.”

He moved the bowl away and slowly moved to the side of the bed to stand up.

Caitlin wanted to protest, but she knew it would only cause more emotional pain for Barry, and that was the last thing he needed at the moment. 

Cisco on the other hand...

“I think you should eat man. You don’t want to pass out again.”

He didn’t, and neither did Iris. He’d be no use to her if he couldn’t at least function. 

Iris sat down next to him on the bed.

“He’s right.”, her entire demeanor suddenly changed. “You should eat babe.” She moved her hand to his hot cheek and Barry leaned into her touch.

“Well I should leave so I don’t waist anymore time.”, she said standing quickly.

“Let me know when you’re back out there.”, she said looking back to Barry as she left the Cortex once again. 

Outside Star Labs

Iris sat inside her car looking into the rear view mirror.

“He’s sick, and his body is draining what’s left of the speedforce trying to heal itself.”

“Did you make sure to do away with any help it’s getting, so his speed healing will need to work even harder?”, came a woman’s voice from inside the mirror. 

“Yes!” “Success is assured.”

“Good!, now go finish him off.”

“Yes mother.”

Back Inside Star Labs

They never thought they would see the day, but here they were. Barry had finished his soup and was now in The Flash suit standing near the entrance of the Cortex. The sound of his cough was making both Caitlin and Cisco cringe. It sounded both wet and painful. His cowl was still off, so they could see how flushed and sweaty he was already. His eyes watered while he tried to catch his breath. 

“Barry, please don’t go!”, Caitlin begged him while she rubbed over his back. 

“I have to help Iris!”, she knew Iris would be back even more angry if he didn’t go.

“Well at least promise me that if you feel worse you’ll come back here or call me and I will come to you.”

“Promise!”, he said putting the cowl on right before he whooshed off.

Caitlin stood there looking helpless.

“I know Caitlin.”, Cisco said softly. “Somethings definitely not right with Iris. I’m going to talk to Camilla tonight, see what she can find out.”

Iris wasn’t able to come up with any reasons to make Barry run around the City for her, but as it turned out, she didn’t have to. It seemed like every criminal in Central City knew he was under the weather tonight. 

“Captain.”, Barry said dropping off the two criminals he had just caught to Joe at the current crime scene. This was his third successful catch in the past two hours for The Flash.

Once Joe passed the men off to one of his officers he took a good look at Barry. Even with his face and body covered by The Flash suit, he knew something was wrong. Not to mention Barry’s wheezing was audible. 

“I need a coffee after that one. Meet me across the street.” He hadn’t asked Barry to meet him at Jitters, he had told him to meet him there. So Barry knew better than to argue. 

Barry walked into Jitters right after Joe. Joe’s breath hitched at the sight of him. He was about to say something when Barry started coughing into his arm. Once the coughing stopped Joe spoke.

“Go sit down son. I’ll be right over.”

Barry didn’t argue, he needed to sit.

“What are you doing out like this Barr?”

“Crime doesn’t stop because The Flash is sick Joe.”

“Barry!”, Joe looked at him concerned. “Does Caitlin know you’re this sick?”

He took a sip of his coffee. Joe could tell it hurt to swallow. 

“She treated me all morning and into the afternoon today.”

“And she said you were good to go? Because I don’t believe she would even let you leave her presence in this condition, let alone fight crime.”

“I had to leave Joe, Iris needs me, and so doesn’t the city.”

“Iris knows you’re out like this?” Joe was shocked.

“She encouraged it.”, he said taking another sip, grimacing like before as it slid down his raw throat.

“Bless you.”, Joe said as Barry sneezed hard.

“Thanks.”, Barry said grabbing a tissue.

Just as the waitress placed the bowl of soup in front of him, Barry’s phone started to flash an alert. 

“No son!”, Joe said softly gripping the hand he had on his phone. 

Barry looked up at Joe, he knew he wasn’t going anywhere by the look on Joe’s face. So he placed his phone down and started to eat.

“What, now you take breaks while criminals ravage Central City?”

“Iris seemed to have come out of nowhere again.”

Barry put his spoon down, but before he could speak a coughing fit took hold.

“Iris, he needs to be home in bed, not chasing bad guys.”

Luckily it was quite in Jitters tonight, so people hadn’t noticed the scene she was making, or at least not yet. 

“For cripes sake, not you too dad? He’s The..., she stopped herself. “He needs to suck it up and get out there. We all work through colds from time to time.”

“It’s pneumonia Iris.”, Barry said softly, but loud enough to be heard, as he worked to catch his breath.

“It really doesn’t matter what it is Barry, you’re needed out there, and you’re being really selfish at the moment.”

Barry’s rebuttal was cut off when a group of elderly women walked by.

“You young lady need a good spanking.”

Normally Joe would have said something. It wasn’t often he let someone say anything derogatory to his kids, but at the moment he agreed with the woman’s assessment.

“Err.”, I’m leaving. I suggest you do too.”, she directed at Barry before she turned quickly and walked away. 

“That’s not Iris!”, Joe said simply.

“I know, she’s going through some stuff lately.”, Barry acknowledged.

“No Barr. I mean that person that was just here, is not Iris!”

Barry wanted to continue the conversation, but he was too busy sneezing into his arm.

“Do you think Caitlin is still at Star Labs?”, Joe asked.

“Maybe.” “Her and Cisco have been working on something to help her with her communication with Frost.”

“Let’s go find out son.”

Joe stood, waiting for Barry who was still having a hard time breathing.

Both Caitlin and Cisco were walking out the front door of the building as Joe was pulling up. 

Caitlin walked over to his car immediately. Barry looked to be sleeping in the passenger seat when she peaked in. 

“He needs help.”, Joe said quietly.

“I’ll meet you up there.”, Caitlin didn’t hesitate.

Cisco stayed down to help Joe get Barry up. He wasn’t sure how coherent Barry was at the moment. 

Thankfully, once they woke him up he was able to walk with them. They made it into the Cortex without issue. 

“Well at least he didn’t pass out until he was on the bed this time.”, Caitlin said looking over at Barry’s sleeping form.

Joe was horrified looking in at him. Caitlin had hooked him up the same way he was earlier that day, including the oxygen mask. 

“He’s really got pneumonia?”, Joe asked.

“He does.”, Caitlin confirmed. 

“He’s pretty sick Joe. He shouldn’t be out there like he was tonight.” 

“His fever has spiked again, 103.6.”

“I agree with you.”, Joe could hear that Caitlin must have thought he had encouraged Barry to be out there too.

“It’s Iris. I think she’s been kidnapped and replaced somehow. Like that guy who could become anyone he wanted. 

“Everyman.”, Caitlin said, but he’s been gone for years now.

“I know it sounds crazy, Joe continued, but the woman I interacted with tonight, that was not Iris!”

“It was like she wanted him to get worse.”, Joe concluded.

“I have a theory about that.”, Caitlin said.

Neither Caitlin or Cisco thought Joe’s accusation was all that crazy honestly. 

“If you’re right Joe, which I think you might be. I think she is trying to drain the speedforce left in his system.” When Barry’s sick, like now, his body invokes his speed healing, which in turn uses the speedforce. It seems to me, that keeping him sick on purpose would be a great way to finish him off, and then she, or it, could accomplish whatever crime she or it is planning. 

“Joe?”, Barry moved the oxygen mask.

“What is it son?”

“We have to find Iris Joe. I think something happened to her.”

“We will, but right now you need to get better. Promise me Barr. Promise me you’ll stay put until Caitlin says you can go.”

“Promise!”, he said before he placed the mask back on his mouth. The immediate relief easily recognizable once it was in place.”

Joe placed his hand on Barry’s sweaty forehead. 

“Everything will be ok son. I promise you that!”

Once Joe left Barry’s side Caitlin moved in. 

“I’m going to give you something that will help you sleep now, ok?”. He shook his head yes, and with that Caitlin put the sleep medicine into the IV sending him into a deep uninterrupted sleep.


	2. Confirmation and Distress

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Barry’s struggling, Proof that the real Iris is missing surfaces, Joe becomes a new target for Mirror Iris, and Caitlin and Cisco continue on their path of helping Barry recover from his illness

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I’m posting two chapters back to back tonight. The next chapter will be a bit darker then the first two.

Barry was still sound asleep the next morning when Cisco arrived at Star Labs with Camilla.

“You’re early.”, Caitlin smiled.

“I thought you could use a break.”, Caitlin had stayed with Barry all night, so she was more then happy to see him.

“I appreciate that.”

“How is he?”, Kamilla asked quietly.

“He’s still pretty sick.”, Caitlin sighed. “His temperature just won’t break. His blood shows that the speedforce is still active in his system, but he’s just not improving as quickly as I had hoped. 

“His vitals look better.”, Cisco said looking up at the monitor. “Especially his oxygen intake.”, the sound of relief evident in his voice.

“They are.”, “Don’t get me wrong, he has improved, just not as much as he should have.”

Caitlin looked over at Kamilla who seemed to be holding onto her camera for dear life. “Everything ok?”

“Yeah, I mean no. Actually I don’t know.”

“What’s wrong?”, Caitlin asked.

Kamilla took a quick look around again. “Is Iris here?”

“Nope. Haven’t heard a peep from her all night. And honestly, after yesterday, I’m not sure that’s a bad thing.”

“It’s not.”, Kamilla said quietly.

“Show her.”, Cisco said motioning to the camera.

“Last night after Cisco told me how Iris was acting, I realized just how different she had actually been lately. So we decided to take a ride to the Citizen, and we found something.”

“Something?”, Caitlin asked.

“I hacked her computer.”, Cisco said.

“I uploaded it to my memory card, and well.., watch this.”, Kamilla held up her camera.

The video showed Iris standing in front of a mirror. The time stamp from two weeks ago. 

“What’s going on?”, Barry had just walked over, now clearing his throat.

“You should be in bed Barr.”, Caitlin said when she saw him. 

“I had to use the bathroom.”

Part of her wished she had left the IV in his hand, but he was on the mend, and she knew she couldn’t keep him down forever, even with Iris’s erratic behavior as of late. 

“You may not be ready to see this Barry.”, Cisco said looking at his still worn out looking friend. 

“He should know.”, Kamilla said looking at Cisco.

“Yeah, you’re right.”, he agreed.

Barry’s eyes were glued to the camera as the video played on. When arms appeared from the mirror in front of Iris and pulled her through, Barry immediately started to hyperventilate. 

“Iris!”, he said in a half breath. 

Caitlin quickly sat Barry down, and rushed to grab the mobile oxygen unit. Cisco kneeled beside him, doing his best to calm him down. 

Caitlin returned and carefully placed the oxygen mask over his nose and mouth, while Cisco continued to rub softly over his back. 

Kamilla stood there looking on, feeling completely helpless, and responsible for his current circumstance. She placed her hand over her mouth as tears started to run down her cheeks. 

“I’m so sorry!”, she cried.

Barry’s breathing was slowly evening out, so Cisco stood to comfort his now balling girlfriend. 

J

“Hey. Look at me.” CIsco said softly, his hand on Kamilla’s chin.

“He had to know.” “We did the right thing.”, she leaned into him so he held her tight. 

“Cisco!”, Caitlin called urgently. When Cisco looked back Barry was starting to gag. As fast as humanly possible he grabbed the closest barrel and placed it in front of Barry, who quickly started to vomit. 

“It’s gonna be ok Barry.”, tears running down Caitlin’s cheeks as she rubbed his back. 

By the time Joe arrived Barry had calmed down, but not in a good way. He was back in bed, eyes wide open, just staring blankly at the ceiling. Both Caitlin and Cisco had done their best to try and get his attention, to discuss what they had just witnessed, but it was like his mind had just completely shut down now. The only positive Caitlin could take away from the current situation was that he hadn’t just swooshed away. Seeing him like this was even worse then it had been seeing him as sick as he had been all week. 

“How is he?”, Joe asked approaching Cisco.

Just as Caitlin had told Cisco first thing this morning, he told Joe. “He’s still sick, but he’s better than he was.” Physically anyway...”

Cisco had explained what he had found at the Citizen to Joe last night over the phone. Surprisingly Joe wasn’t all that shocked. 

“He’s taking it really hard Joe.”, Caitlin had just walked out of the med bay. Joe could tell she had been crying. 

When Joe went into see Barry, he pulled a chair up next to the bed. Barry still looked pale, but he wasn’t hooked up to any machines which was a good sign. He gently laid his hand on his forehead, and Barry turned his head towards him. 

“Your still pretty warm.” Barry closed his eyes, taking in Joe’s comforting touch. 

“How do you feel son?”

“Iris, she’s gone Joe.”

“I know Barr.”, Joe’s hand now on Barry’s arm.

“I screwed up. This is all my fault.”, tears now falling from his eyes.

“How is this your fault Barry?”

“How could I have not seen it. I lived with, whatever that thing is, for two weeks. I’m a CSI, I work for the CCPD, I’m The Flash, and I couldn’t tell that it wasn’t my wife?”

Barry started to cough. Joe stood up encouraging Barry to sit up. Caitlin didn’t want to interrupt, Barry was actually talking to Joe, but she quickly entered the room handing Joe a big bowl. “Just in case.”, she said before turning right back around. 

It only took Joe a few seconds to catch on. 

When Barry got really upset, his stomach followed suit. 

“Feeling sick to your stomach this morning?”, he asked rubbing Barry’s back. The coughing fit letting up now.

“Yes.”

Joe placed the bowl down next to him. “Ok, just try and relax.”

“How can I relax Joe? Iris is missing! She’s my life Joe. I can’t lose her!”

“Cisco and I are going to investigate McCulloch Technologies later tonight. That’s where Iris was the night she was taken.”

“Camilla will keep an eye on Iris.”

“It’s not Iris!”, Barry said angrily.

“That thing.”, Joe corrected himself. 

“I know it’s hard Barr, but we need you to relax and get better. You can’t help Iris in this condition. You know that.”

“I know.”, he conceded. 

“Good.”, Joe smiled. 

Barry laid back down, so Joe got up to leave, but when he started to walk away Barry sat up and started to cough again. Joe was about to sit next to him when Barry moved off the bed quickly, and headed to the bathroom. 

Joe followed but didn’t knock. He was vomiting and he didn’t want to upset him even more.

“I hate to say it, but I think you should give him something to calm him down. There’s no way he’ll kick this illness as upset as he is now.”

Caitlin sighed. “I think you may be right.”

When Barry got into bed Caitlin hooked him up to an IV again. He didn’t question her or protest at all. He just laid there. 

“I’m giving you medicine to calm you down and help you sleep so you’ll get better.”, she was completely honest with him. 

When he didn’t acknowledge her she rubbed his cheek, this time he leaned into her touch. “I know Barr.”, tears filling her eyes again.

Once she put the first dose of medicine into the IV she stayed with him. This wasn’t cold medicine that caused drowsiness, this was a sedative. She had to make sure he didn’t have any type of reaction to it. 

“I need her back Cait.”, he started to cry. She had just added a second dose. His metabolism was still fast, so it was going to take at least double the amount of medicine for it to work on him. 

“I know Barr.” “We all do!”

Back at the Loft

“You failed me!” 

“They’re onto to me. I had to take a step back.”, Iris pleaded with the woman inside the mirror.

“If they’re onto you I have no use for you anymore.”

“Please. Just give me one more chance, and I can eliminate the problem.”

“What problem, other than yourself, is there?”

“The problem is Joe West.” “He needs to be eliminated.”

After a slight hesitation the voice in the mirror continued.

“And why do you think eliminating Joe West will fix the problem?”

“He’s the only family my husband....The Flash has left.” “He’s the only one capable of keeping Barry level headed and safe.”

“Do it then. Eliminate Joe West.”

“Success is assured.”

Back at Star Labs

It was almost 10:00am when Iris walked into Star Labs. Caitlin had left maybe twenty minutes ago once she was sure Barry’s body had safely accepted the new medicine. He would need to be given a dose every two hours to keep it in his system, and Cisco was administering a dose as Iris walked over to him. 

“Aww, he’s still sick?”, she asked frowning. 

Her tone had completely changed from yesterday. 

Cisco startled at first, but recovered quickly.

“Iris.” She stood there waiting for him to respond to her question.

“Yeah. I mean, yes he’s still pretty sick. He was having a hard time sleeping so we’re giving him cold medicine that makes him extra drowsy.”

“Poor guy.”, she said sadly.

For Iris, this was actually a good thing now. With Barry out cold, Joe was for sure an easy target.

“Well call me if anything changes.”, she turned and walked away. 

She was gone suddenly, just as suddenly as she had arrived. 

The afternoon passed by quickly for Cisco. Barry continued to sleep soundly, his system showing no ill affects after each additional dose of the medication. Everything was quiet until Caitlin returned at 3:00pm.

“Turn the news on!”, she said urgently.

Chief David Singh’s face appeared above the news flashing at the bottom of the screen.

“At this time nothing more is known about the accident involving Captain West.” 

Both Caitlin and Cisco stood there staring at the screen in complete silence. They could barely breath.

Chief Singh continued taking questions from the reporters currently at the CCPD.

“Captain West is in critical condition and is yet to wake up.”

“No, we have no cause to report at this time.”

“That’s all for now. Thank you.”

“That’s why she was so calm about Barry’s condition this morning.”, Cisco spoke his thoughts out loud. 

“Iris?”, Caitlin asked. “You don’t really think she would kill her own father?”

“She’s not Iris Caitlin.”

They heard Barry start to move in the other room.

“It’s time for his meds.”, Caitlin said. 

“Wait, his vitals...

“What’s wrong? Why didn’t you call me?”

“No. Sorry! I mean they’re normal. Even his fever is gone.” 

Caitlin couldn’t believe it, even as she looked at his monitor herself. 

“You think we should let him wake up?”, Caitlin asked.

Cisco grabbed his IPad. “I took a blood sample about twenty minutes ago.”, he said showing her the screen.

“His cells are rapidly regenerating.”, she sounded surprised. “His emotions must have been playing a part in his faulty speed healing.”, she concluded. 

“It makes sense, I’m sure not having Iris, I mean the real Iris, around for support, would have definitely left him vulnerable to all kinds of stress.”, Cisco agreed.

“I think we have to let him wake up.”

Caitlin agreed. They hadn’t meant to keep him prisoner. They just wanted to make him healthy again, and they had. 

“Hey Barr.” They had both pulled chairs up close to the bed, letting him wake up naturally.

“Hey.”, he smiled.

“I missed that smile.”, Caitlin said returning it with her own. 

“How do you feel?”

Barry slowly sat up. “I feel better, much better.”

“You’re healthy man.”, Cisco couldn’t wait any longer to talk.

They let him take in his surroundings, adjusting to the feeling of normalcy. Then Caitlin turned serious.

“We need you to stay calm. 

Barry turned pale white again and it wasn’t from an illness. “Iris?”

“No, nothing has changed on that front yet.”, Barry took a deep breath.

Cisco started a replay of the news on his tablet. “Here.”, he handed the tablet to Barry.

Barry just stared emotionless as the news about Joe played. When it finished he handed the tablet back to Cisco. Before either of them could say anything Barry laid back down. 

“I’m still pretty tired. I think I’m just going to sleep for a little while longer.”

This wasn’t good at all. They half expected Barry to grab his suit and race off to investigate the accident scene when he saw the news, but they never expected this.

So not knowing what to do, both Caitlin and Cisco left the room to let him sleep.


	3. Never Give Up

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Barry’s struggling with losing both Iris and Joe. He feels alone and he believes there’s nothing he can do about it.
> 
> Luckily Caitlin and Cisco aren’t giving up so easily. When they surprise Barry with dinner, they do much more than provide him with food. By the end of the day things seem to finally be headed in the right direction.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Trigger warning: suicidal thoughts

One Week Later

Caitlin and Cisco stood at the entrance to the Cortex. 

“We’re going to see Joe Barr. Do you want to come with us?”, Caitlin asked.

Joe was in a medical induced coma while his body healed from the “accident”. The doctors said he would survive, but they couldn’t confirm if he would be able to walk again. There had been major damage to his back, and there was no way of knowing, one way or another, until it really started to heal. 

“I can’t. I promised Cecile that I would clean out the gutters tonight.”

Cecile had left for her mother’s house with Jenna the night of the accident. A plan had already been in place for them to leave town if something had happened to him. Joe had told her about his suspicions, and where they may lead. 

So now with Cecile out of town Barry had decided to stay at Joe’s house. He wasn’t about to go home to, whatever it was, pretending to be his wife. Now, every night he would come up with an excuse so he didn’t have to go to the hospital to see Joe. 

Everyone knew Barry blamed himself for what had happened to Joe. It wasn’t a surprise, that’s how Barry had always been. Whether he could control a situation or not, he always took responsibility when something went wrong. 

“Ok Barr. We’ll tell him hi for you.”

They didn’t want to push him. It had taken two days to get him to resume a semi-normal life after his illness. And by semi-normal, it meant not normal at all, for Barry anyway.

He had taken time off from the CCPD, he couldn’t get himself to be there without his mind focusing on Joe’s condition. He hadn’t put The Flash suit on once, he hadn’t even used his speed for that matter. He had taken to public transportation again, like he had in his pre-Flash days. 

“Oh, one more thing.”, Cisco said getting Barry’s attention.

“I made a fresh batch of power bars for you. They’re in the workshop in their normal spot.”

“Great thanks.”

That was another thing. Barry hadn’t been eating right. His nerves wouldn’t allow for it, but Caitlin and Cisco made sure he consumed at least one bar a day. They only hoped he was eating something, anything, at night. 

He actually was, well he was trying to at least. 

At the West House

Barry was laying on the couch. His mind was spinning out of control as it had every other night since Joe got injured. He felt sad, lost, scared, and alone. His stomach hurt, he was probably hungry, but he was too nauseous to eat. He knew what was wrong, but he wasn’t ready to ask for help. He was pretty sure there was no one and no way to help him anyway. His family was gone now. His biological parents had been for a while, but even though it was difficult, he was able to move forward thanks to Joe and Iris. That had changed now, because he had lost them too. 

He was depressed, there was no question about it, and at the moment, he felt suicidal. As a matter of fact, he had a meta-dampener and a bottle of pills waiting to be used on the table next to him. Now he just had to figure out when he was going to do it. 

He hadn’t been able to get himself to the state of mind he needed to be in the past few nights, but tonight he knew he was almost there. 

He sat up and reached for the dampener bracelet. Once it was on his wrist his breath hitched, a panic attack was close to setting in. He looked down, his hand was shaking. The end he had been waiting for was so close now, he could do this, he knew he could.

He was about to reach out for the bottle of pills when the doorbell rang. He jumped in panic, but quickly headed to the door, not even realizing the bracelet was still on his wrist. 

Caitlin and Cisco stood at the door, four large pizzas in hand.

“Hey Barr.”, Caitlin smiled.

“What are you guys doing here?”, it was obvious he wasn’t fully present. 

“We brought dinner Barr. Can we come in?”, Caitlin asked calmly.

“Sure.”, Barry opened the door. “Come in.”

He sat back down on the couch. It was clear he wasn’t equipped to entertain at the moment. Luckily both Caitlin and Cisco had spent many a dinner time at Joe’s house, so they knew their way around. 

Honestly, Barry hadn’t even fully realized they were there. He had been so close. So close!

“Here Barr.”, Cisco handed him a plate with two big slices of his favorite pizza. When Barry reached for the plate Cisco almost fell over. He had a meta dampener on, but why?

Once Barry started to eat Cisco motioned to Caitlin so she would look at his wrist. She figured it out right away. The dampener on his wrist, the pills on the table. She had to stay calm for Barry’s sake, and she had to figure out how to deal with this. 

Barry finished both slices of pizza, it was obvious he was hungry. 

“Do you want more?”, Caitlin asked, taking a seat next to him.

“Caitlin.”, he said tears quickly filling his eyes. 

“It’s ok Barry. I know.”, she gently put her hand over the bracelet on his wrist. 

“I almost..., he couldn’t get the words out.

She quickly embraced him in a hug, rubbing up down his back.

“I don’t feel well.”, he cried into her shoulder. Cisco sat there, tears running down his cheeks. Caitlin motioned him to the couch. When he sat down she pulled him into the hug. Barry responded right away, wrapping his arms around the two of them. 

“We’re here for you Barry. You aren’t alone, you know that!”, he squeezed tighter. They stayed like that for a while, waiting for his strong sobs to soften. When they broke the hug Barry seemed a lot more present than he had when they had arrived. 

“I really want you to come stay with me.”, Cisco said. He had suggested it at least three times this week, so Barry knew it wasn’t because of what had just happened. 

“I would like that too.”, Barry said. 

Barry pulled the bracelet off and handed it to Caitlin. 

“Keep this safe for me?”

“I’ll do that.”, she assured

“I know you guys just came from there, but will.., Caitlin cut him off. “We wouldn’t mind going back to see Joe at all Barry.”

Barry smiled. “Thank you!”

They were about to stand up, but Barry reached for his plate, quickly filling it with another two slices of pizza. “I’m starving.”

They both smiled at each other. Everything wasn’t better, but they knew things were headed in the right direction. Well at least with Barry they were. 

At The Hospital 

Barry pulled a chair up to the bed and sat down next to Joe.

He placed his hand on Joe’s arm and let his tears flow. He wasn’t frantic, or panicked, he just needed to let his feelings surface and this was the only way he could do that. 

“I love you Joe!” “I haven’t been myself lately, and I apologize for that. I realized some things tonight. I realized that I’m not alone, and that giving up is never an option for me. I don’t know how yet, but I promise you I will find Iris Joe. If I have to move the Earth to do it, I will find her. I will also find the person who hurt you, and when I do they’ll answer for their crime. I’ll never fail you Joe! You can count on me and that will never change. 

They were all wiping their eyes when a doctor peaked in, knocking softly on the door. 

“Come in.”, Barry said., quickly standing up so the doctor had a clear path to Joe.

“Actually, the doctor said looking from Barry to Cisco, I was hoping one of you might be Barry Allen or Wally West.

“I’m Barry Allen.”

The doctor looked at the clipboard in his hand. 

“You’re Joe’s son. Is that correct?”

“I’m his foster, I mean adopted.”

“You’re his son?”, the doctor smiled.

“I am.”

“Well then.”, the doctor started. “I haven’t had any luck making contact with Iris West-Allen or Cecile Horton.”

“They’re out of town.”, Barry said quickly.

"Why don’t you sit down so we can talk.”, the doctor gestured to one of the chairs. 

“Is Joe ok?”, Barry asked, both Caitlin and Cisco watching the scene in front of them intently.

“That’s what I would like to talk to you about.”, 

Barry could feel his heart beating faster, and his chest getting tighter. Caitlin must have noticed because in less than a second she was kneeling next to him.

“I’m Dr. Caitlin Snow.” “I’m a good friend of Barry’s and of Joe’s.”

“Pleased to meet you.”, the doctor smiled again, making Caitlin think the news couldn’t be all that bad after all.

“I’ll get right to it.”, the doctor realized Barry was on the verge of a panic attack too. 

Caitlin gently rubbed Barry’s back while the doctor spoke.

“Every test I’ve run has shown great improvement in Joe’s health, including the injuries he sustained in the accident. Even his back.”

The doctor looked over at Barry.

“In order to wake Joe up I need permission from his next of kin. I would like to do so if you approve of that Mr. Allen.”

Barry looked over to Caitlin, who shook her head yes with a big smile on her face. 

“Yes.”, Barry said. “Please do that.”

The doctor went into detail about what to expect. He explained that he was hopeful Joe would make a complete recovery, but he also warned that there was still a chance, he may not regain full mobility. 

When they left the hospital a new sense of hope washed through all of them. Things had already improved in a big way tonight, and hopefully tomorrow would make things even better. 

Caitlin headed home and Cisco went with Barry to get his things. When they were leaving Joe’s house that night, Barry stopped outside the door. At first Cisco thought something was wrong, but then Barry smiled. 

“Do you have any of my bars at your house?”, Barry asked.

“Of course.”, Cisco answered, right before he was swooshed away for Barry’s first run in over a week.


	4. A Step Forward

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Barry is coming to terms with everything that has happened the past few weeks. He’s still dealing with his emotions, but with the constant support of his family and friends he’s getting stronger, and that means it’s almost time to get back out there and bring “his Iris” home.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I’ll be uploaded two chapters back to back again.

Barry laid still on Cisco’s couch, reliving, not only the days events in his mind, but almost three weeks worth of events. 

(1) Iris had been abducted

He had lived with her clone for two full weeks. He had known something wasn’t right, but he was blinded by the unconditional love he had for Iris. If it had been her, if she was facing some kind of emotional turmoil, no matter how hard it had been on him, he wasn’t about to give up on her, or their love. 

He could forgive himself for what had happened, he would have to in order to move forward. For his own sake, and for his wife’s. Wherever she was he would find her. With the help of his friends there was no doubt about that. 

(2) Joe had been severely injured, but he was on the mend. He was going to be okay. He was sure of that now. 

He didn’t need to see the evidence or the police report to know the evil woman impersonating his wife was somehow responsible for Joe’s accident, but the minute he walked back into the CCPD he was going to examine every last bit of evidence available to him so he could bring the person or people responsible for Joe’s accident to justice. 

And last but not least....

(3) The speedforce was leaving his system. He didn’t know how much time he had left to be The Flash, but he did know that from this moment forward he would make sure not to waist one more second of that time.

For tonight though his eyes were feeling heavy, it had been such a strange day. He had gone from feeling hopeless and lost, to feeling hopeful and loved. He closed his eyes, and seconds later he was fast asleep. For the first time in weeks he didn’t have any nightmares or strange dreams. He slept peacefully. The day had been a rollercoaster ride, but now the ride had ended, or at least for tonight it had.

Cisco woke up to what smelled like a breakfast buffet, and when he walked into the kitchen his sense of smell hadn’t been wrong. There were plates of pancakes, waffles, sausages, bacon, and hash browns on the table. There were scrambled eggs warming on the stove, and the fixings for the pancakes and waffles carefully placed in the fridge. 

Barry wasn’t in plain sight, but Cisco knew he was close by. As much food as there was in the kitchen, there looked to be more that had already been eaten in the living room. 

Barry was making up for what he hadn’t been eating all week, and that made Cisco extremely happy. 

When Barry returned from his shower he sat down on the couch, hand on his belly, big smile on his face. 

“Sorry about the mess man. I figured I’d clean up when we were both done eating.”

“Barr, this is amazing!”

Cisco was already filling his plate with a little bit of everything, and nibbling on bits of the food along the way.

“I’m glad.”, Barry moaned, his hand rubbing his stomach.

“You ok?”, Cisco was concerned, but only for a second. 

Barry laughed. “Yeah man. I just ate a lot. 

“Well there’s nothing wrong with that. If you’re hungry you should eat. I know I will.”, Cisco smiled, currently shoving scrambled eggs into his mouth.

The food was so delicious. Cisco had a more than full stomach now too. He took a seat next to Barry on the couch. 

“Oh man. If we were roommates I would be a thousand pounds.”

“You’d be fine. Iris”, he stopped talking, the smile on his face disappeared.

“We’re going to get her back Barry!” You know we will!”

“I know. I just”

“I know Barr.” “We all miss her.”

“Come on man, let’s get moving. Joe should be waking up now.”

Barry’s smile quickly returned.”

“Sounds good to me!”, Barry stood up and started to clean up his mess on the table. 

Cisco got up and headed to the shower. 

When they were ready they requested an Uber. 

Even though running made Barry feel good, he did have to conserve his speed, so he had to choose when to use it very carefully. So even though being with Joe this morning was a priority, it wasn’t a matter of life and death, so Uber seemed the best way to go. 

When they arrived outside Joe’s room the doctor they had met last night was inside at Joe’s side, and Caitlin, who had said she would meet them there, was on the other side of his bed. 

Cisco moved toward the door, but Barry stayed still, his eyes focused on what he could see of Joe. 

He stood there, a panic attack taking hold of him. 

“Barry?”, Cisco placed his hand on Barry’s arm. “Can’t breathe.”, Barry said urgently. 

There were chairs behind them against the wall. Cisco walked Barry to one of the chairs and kneeled down next to him. The panic attack was getting worse, and he was so focused on Barry he hadn’t even noticed when Caitlin brought Joe, who looked fully awake, in his wheelchair to the other side of Barry. 

“It’s ok son.”, Joe’s hand laying gently on his shoulder.

That’s all it took. Barry’s breathing started to even out. The tears of pain suddenly became tears of relief and joy.

“Joe!”, Barry quickly turned to embrace him. 

“I’ve missed you so much.”, Barry cried into his shoulder.

“I’m here Barry.”  
“Look at me son.”

Barry did as Joe asked. “You look much better then the last time I saw you.”, Joe said. 

“Thanks to all of you Joe.”

Joe had woken up without issue this morning. Besides the pain in his legs, he’d felt good. Caitlin had spoken to Joe’s doctor the night before. She wanted to be there when he woke up. The doctor was perfectly fine with that, so she had been with Joe since the minute he had opened his eyes this morning. When their conversation had turned to Barry she had filled him in about what had happened, so he already knew about Barry’s near suicide attempt. 

“Well you’ve done the same for all of us from time to time.”

Barry just smiled, wiping his eyes. “How do you feel?”

“I feel pretty good.”

“How about”, he looked down at his legs

“The surgeries were a success. It’s going to take some time and hard work, but I’ll be back out there with you Barr. I promise.”

They stayed at the hospital for over two hours. Barry didn’t want to leave, but Joe needed his rest, and he also knew he had to make contact with evil Iris again because It was time to get back his Iris. 

Chief Singh set up a twenty four hour watch at the hospital. Joe’s room was safer than the White House at the moment. 

Barry bent over to hug Joe who was now comfortably back in bed. “I’ll call you tonight.”

“I’ll be waiting.”, Joe said hugging him back. 

“Barr?”, Joe called him back before he left the room. 

“I’m here if you need to talk son, anytime, day or night.” Hearing that Barry had been so lost that he tried to kill himself had really shaken Joe. Barry had already had to deal with so much heartache in his life. He wanted to make sure he really was ok now. 

“I know.” “I’ve got you on speed dial.”, Barry smiled showing Joe his phone. 

At the Loft

Barry’s leaving the loft had worked out perfectly for fake Iris. She had been free to do whatever she wanted with no speedster husband or cop father to get in her way anymore, and she had already taken complete advantage of the situation. 

In a weeks time she had collected everything she had been after. Well almost everything, she still needed one last piece. She needed Barry’s powers, his DNA, his speed. She didn’t simply want to drain his speed from him anymore, she was actually thankful she had failed at that. It had been an unexpected revelation that The Flash’s speed and his regenerative capabilities would be the key to their success, but it was, and it was time to get what they needed. 

“He doesn’t trust me.”, Iris spoke to the woman in the mirror.

“He doesn’t have too.” “He wants his wife back and you are the only connection he has to her.”

“He will come to me.”, Iris said with renewed confidence. 

“He will!”, the woman agreed. 

“Then success is assured.”

At Star Labs

Even though Caitlin and Cisco knew he had to do this, they were both afraid that Barry wasn’t ready.

Caitlin had just finished a complete medical exam on Barry, including blood samples. 

He was extremely healthy, physically anyway. 

“You’re doing great Barry!”  
He was eating more then ever. The level of speedforce in his system had stayed consistently high. He felt good, and his energy was off the charts. 

What worried Caitlin was the panic attack he had experienced yesterday morning at the hospital. Not to mention it had only been a little less than forty eight hours since he had been at the lowest point in his entire life. 

Caitlin was a geneticist, and Barry really needed emotional support, and from more than his friends and family, but there simply was just no time for that right now.

“How do you feel Barr?”

“Great! Why, did you find something in my tests?”

“No, no, not at all. Your actually extremely healthy. Like I said, you’re doing great.”

“I meant to ask, how are you feeling emotionally?”, she looked into his eyes. 

He took a deep breath. “Not perfect.” “I’m ok though.” “I’m nowhere near where I was the other night.” He knew what she was getting at. 

She sat down on the bed next to him. 

“Is there anything, I mean anything at all, you need to talk about.”

He thought about it for a minute. There really wasn’t anything besides what she already knew. 

“It was just a lot all at the same time, and I just couldn’t process it properly.” “I am ok now. I can handle this. I promise!”, he placed his hand on her leg.

Caitlin placed her hand on top of his.

“Just remember Barr, we will be here for you no matter what happens.” And if you it’s more than you can handle you need to come home.”

He knew by home she meant to them. He smiled wide.

“I will.”, he reached over for a hug, and she hugged him back.

A few seconds later Barry was gone.


	5. Miscalculation

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Barry confronts Mirror Iris and it doesn’t go so well.  
> When it’s all said and done, the team realizes the confrontation did have a major impact on their quest to find the real Iris. So now they’ll take everything they learned, and use that knowledge to find her and bring her home.

“Hi sweetie. Would you like some pancakes?”

There she was, sitting at the table, the table where she had first deceived him. 

Iris couldn’t make pancakes and he knew that. Yet he let himself believe she had miraculously turned into a cook overnight. A wave of guilt suddenly passed through him. 

“I want my wife back. I want my Iris!”

“She’s not available right now.”, she took a bite from a piece of bacon. “This is delicious. Are you sure you don’t want some?”

“I have no time for this.” Barry looked at the mirror, he had a strange feeling he was being watched, and it was coming from that direction. 

“Mother knew you were coming, and here you are. Just like she said.”

“Where is she.”

The fake Iris stood and walked toward the mirror. With a wave of her hand the mirror seemed to come to life. 

“Your Iris.”, the clone pointed to the mirror. 

Iris, the real Iris, was laying comatose on a large wooden table, in a room that resembled some sort of laboratory. 

“What have you done to her?”, Barry was already starting to feel tightness in his chest. 

The clone must have noticed something different about Barry, because for a few seconds, she had almost seemed to have compassion. She waited until his breathing slowed, and when she spoke again her voice seemed to soften. 

“Listen Flash. Your Iris is not in danger, or at least she isn’t at this time.” Mother will wake her up when we don’t need her anymore.”

“Need her? Why do you need her?” “What do you want?”

“Well see, that’s where you come in Barry.” “Mother needs your powers to leave her prison unharmed.”

“You want me to help her escape?”, he really wasn’t following her intention. “Why would I do that?”

“I don’t want you to help her escape. I need your powers so I can help her escape.”

And to why you would do that Barry. The why is if you want Iris to survive. If you really love her, you will need to give up everything that makes you, you for her.”

“How?”, Barry said, his head was starting to spin again so he sat down at the table. 

The clones finger turned into a long metallic looking needle. He didn’t have any time to react. When she poked him his blood started to run up the needle and twist around her arm. He watched as her eyes became electrified. His electricity had somehow been passed to her. 

He tried to pull away, but it was no use, somehow her body was a part of his at the moment. 

When she finally let him go he could barely move. She had taken something from him, he could feel it, and it was more then just some speed. It felt like she had taken a piece of him. 

“I feel sick.”, he said bent over in pain. 

“Your body will heal. This time anyway.”, she assured.

“What did you do to me?”

“I took a small sample of what I need from you Barry, your unique meta DNA is now part of me.”

He had never experienced so much pain in his life. 

“The pain will go away, and then you need to decide. Your life as a metahuman speedster or your precious wife. It’s up to you now Barry. 

“WHY?”, he looked up at her, pain on his face, his arm still wrapped tightly around his stomach.

“It’s the only way!”

Barry had to get out of there despite the sharp pains moving throughout his body. thankfully she hadn’t stole his speed. Seconds later he was back at Star Labs. As he collapsed on the floor of the Cortex, his only thought was of Iris, his Iris. He knew where she was and he knew he could save her now. 

When Barry woke up he was hooked up to what seemed to be every machine in Star Labs, and he felt worse than awful. Every muscle in his body hurt. His stomach felt like someone was sticking sharp needles into it, and it hurt to breath. As his eyes focused, the first thing he noticed was that the IV in his hand wasn’t electrolytes or medicine, it was blood. They were giving him blood. He knew that whatever the clone had done to him was bad, but he hadn’t imagined how bad it actually had been. 

“Cait.”, he could barely make her out.

“Barry!”, she let out a breath of relief.

“What did she do to me?”, it hurt just to say those few words.

Caitlin pulled up a chair and sat down next to him.

“She infected your blood with a virus, and by virus I don’t mean biological.”, Caitlin could barely believe it herself as she continued. “It was a computer virus. It targeted your meta DNA Barr. It acted like a cancer, so that’s how I treated it.”

Caitlin had given him a blood transfusion, replacing his damaged cells with his own healthy ones. If she hadn’t stored Barry’s blood and platelets over the years he would have likely died. 

“She said that what she took from me was only a small sample of what she needed from me to save her “mother from her prison.” “I don’t think this was supposed to happen to me.” 

“If that’s true, the effect to her body structure may not have been what she had expected either.” Cisco had just stepped inside the room. 

“Her “mother’s” name is Eva McCulloch.”, Cisco held a thick CCPD folder in his hand. 

Before he went into details, he stopped and looked down at Barry. “You were out for three days man.”

He was gonna need sometime to take that in, but right now his concentration was on the clone and where she came from.

“Cisco’s right. It’s likely she’s, it’s, no longer alive.”, Caitlin agreed.

“You think she’s dead?”, Barry asked.

“I do.”, Caitlin confirmed. Barry looked really upset all of a sudden. 

“We don’t need her to get Iris back Barry. We will use the information we’ve discovered at McCulloch Technologies.”, Caitlin said looking toward the folder in Cisco’s hand. 

Cisco and Caitlin had been discussing this for three days now. They had discovered a vast amount of information on Eva, McCulloch Technologies, and her husband. Including recovered footage from the night the particle accelerator exploded. The night Eva had disappeared. 

“Has anybody been to the loft?”, Barry asked looking green. 

“Yes, we went there the night she injured you.”, Caitlin answered, hoping to calm him down.

“There was nothing there man. She must have left after you did. The only thing out of the ordinary was some broken glass, so we cleaned it up and locked the door when we left.”

Barry didn’t remember breaking anything, but he supposed it was possible with the condition he had been in, so he relaxed and laid back, wincing at the pain he was still experiencing. 

When his nerves calmed, and he confirmed his stomach was ok, Caitlin gave him some pain medicine.

“Get some rest, you’re healing powers just kicked it up a notch this morning. You’ll feel much better soon.”

“Caitlin?”, his eyes were closing. “Yeah Barr?”

“We need to analyze the glass you found.”, she was going to ask him why, but the pain medicine running through his veins was working too fast for that. As she started to speak, she looked over at him, he was out cold. 

“The glass! Of course!” Cisco said realizing how it could be related to fake Iris.

“What?”, Caitlin asked.

“Think about it, our Iris was apparently pulled into a mirror. Eva McCulloch was pulled into that same mirror when the particle accelerator exploded.”

“What if?”, he looked at Caitlin “Eva could manipulate mirrors and glass now? What if evil Iris was somehow created with that manipulation.”

Caitlin seemed to be hesitant to accept his hypothesis.

“The dark matter hit her at the same time it pushed her into the mirror. The mirror swallowed her, it didn’t shatter. She’s got to be a metahuman now. It only makes sense that her powers would be related to what happened to her.”

Caitlin’s eyes opened wide. “We need to get a sample of that glass.”

“I’m on it.”, Cisco said as he turned to do just that. 

Cisco returned about two hours later. Not only did he have the shattered glass with him, but he had picked up Joe from the rehabilitation center. Joe was still in a wheelchair. He still had a way to go, but he had been up on his feet in rehab already. He was progressing perfectly according to the doctor, so much so, that the doctor had granted him permission to leave the hospital from 12-4 daily. Cecile was still away, but being able to spend time with Cisco and Caitlin at Star Labs had been a blessing for Joe, especially with what had happened to Barry. He felt better seeing his progression everyday, rather than just hearing about it. 

“I’m going to clean this up and prepare it for testing.”, Cisco said to Joe. 

“I know Caitlin gave Barry some pain meds before I left, but with his powers at full capacity again, I’m sure they’ll be wearing off any minute now.”

Joe smiled. “Let me know if you need anything Cisco.”

Sure enough when Joe entered the room Caitlin was working on Barry while he sat up in bed munching on a power bar. 

“Joe!”, Caitlin turned and smiled. 

Barry almost chocked on his bar. “Joe?”, he couldn’t see him at first.

“I’m here son.” 

Caitlin moved out of the way, giving Barry a direct view of Joe in his wheelchair as he approached the bed. 

“Joe!”, Barry said happily. Caitlin had removed al of the wires Barry had woken up with all over his body. She even removed the IV. His speed healing had taken over now. There was no reason to keep him hooked up to anything anymore. 

“Barr.”, Joe smiled wide, taking Barry’s hand into his own. 

“Cisco told me you were awake, but I never expected to see you looking so healthy.”

The past three days had not been easy for any of them, even after the transfusions. They were in new territory, and there was no guarantee the treatment had been completely successful until his healing powers kicked in. 

“How do you feel?”, they both asked it at the same time. Caitlin couldn’t help but laugh.

“I’ll be with Cisco if anyone needs me.”, she said as she left the room.

Barry told Joe everything that had happened and Joe told Barry all about his rehabilitation. 

“I wonder where it went?”, Joe asked.

“I wish I knew Joe, but I have a feeling it’s not well.”

“It’s not, it’s gone.”, Cisco said entering the room looking as pale as a ghost. 

He grabbed a chair. He had to sit down.

“What?”, Barry asked, What did you find?”

Cisco swallowed hard. He may not have had a sensitive or nervous stomach like Barry did, but he could feel his lunch trying to escape his stomach. 

“The glass was, he swallowed again, fake Iris.”

“Sure.”, Joe said, why not?”, he wasn’t being sarcastic, he was actually being realistic. As he had said in the past. “It’s just another Tuesday in Central City.”

Cisco continued. “She, it, shattered.” “When it absorbed Barry’s molecular structure, his cells were too much for it. Whatever they had been planning, they miscalculated. What she did would have killed both of you in seconds if it wasn’t for your speed healing Barry.”

“She, I mean it, must have shattered seconds after you flashed away. 

When Caitlin walked in the room with a piece of the glass in her hands, Cisco’s stomach lurched. He moved quickly off of the chair and headed into the bathroom. 

Barry’s eyes were glued to the object, and Joe, he seemed indifferent to entire situation.

Caitlin walked closer, pulling a chair with her.

“You ok?”, she placed her hand on Barry’s.”

“Yeah, it’s just.. I don’t really know what I’m feeling right now.”,

“Well there is good news.”, she pepped up some, both Joe and Barry listening to her intently. 

“We can use the shards of glass to get into that mirror, and we should be able to interact with whatever is inside it.”

“So we can save Iris?”, Barry asked.

“We should be able to retrieve her, yes.”

“But?”, Joe asked knowing there was more. 

“If they used mirror world manipulation to put Iris is a coma, they may be the only ones who can wake her up.”

“If that’s true, I’ll make sure Eva wakes her up.”, Barry said. “This time we have the leverage. We determine whether or not Eva stays in her prison or joins us back in the real world.”

Barry was right. Now it was time to devise a plan to bring Iris home.


	6. One Step Back, Two Steps Forward

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The team is getting closer and closer to having what they need in order to rescue Iris. Not So surprisingly, the closer they get to having what they need, the worse Barry’s anxiety becomes. Fortunately, with the help of Caitlin and his mistaken discovery of a certain piece of tech they have designed for the rescue, he picks himself up and begins moving forward again.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> At the end of this chapter there’s some sexual content in the form of solo masturbation. Sometimes feeling better means giving yourself what you need.

It happened suddenly, without warning. The amount of speedforce in Barry’s system had started to decline rapidly. 

In three days the amount of speedforce in Barry’s system had decreased by forty percent. 

“How do you feel Barry?”, Caitlin had just analyzed his blood sample. 

“Ok, I guess.”

Barry had been extra quiet last night, Cisco had told Caitlin this morning. He hadn’t eaten a normal “Barry” amount at dinner, and he had fallen asleep in the middle of his favorite movie. He hadn’t been depressed at all lately, he was actually doing really well on that front. The plan to get Iris back was coming together perfectly. They were only a day or two away at the most. 

“Lay down Barr. I want to run a few more tests.”

She was pretty sure she knew what was contributing to his speedforce loss, and she hoped she had caught it in time. 

He looked pale the past few days, but she didn’t think much of it, he had been acting normal. 

She felt his forehead, he was warm. “Barr, are you not feeling well?”

“My stomach kind of hurts.”, he admitted softly. 

They had been working day and night for almost a month now, and he hadn’t been taking in light on Flash duty either. Last night was the first night he had actually had a decent nights sleep. 

“Barr, you know that if we treat you with medication when you’re sick, it puts less of a strain on your healing powers. Why didn’t you say something?”, she was frustrated, he could tell.

“We were so busy yesterday. I meant to say something, but the day went by so fast, and we were all in such a good place when we were leaving last night, I just didn’t think about it. I didn’t even really start to feel sick until we got home. Then I figured that maybe a good nights sleep would help me to feel better.”

That actually was understandable. They had worked really hard yesterday, without stopping much at all, and they had accomplished so much. They were all on cloud nine when they left last night. 

“Ok. I get it.”, she was already grabbing a bottle of medication from the cabinet. 

“Let’s see if we can get the fever to go away.”

Barry didn’t argue or complain, honestly he needed a nap anyway. 

Once he swallowed the pills he made himself comfortable and closed his eyes. Caitlin sighed again, not out of frustration really, she just felt bad for her friend. Before she had even performed the additional tests she had wanted to do on him, he was fast asleep. 

“He’s sick, isn’t he?”, Cisco asked when Caitlin closed the shades of the medbay. 

“He has a slight fever, and he said his stomach hurts, but I think whatever it is, is just starting. 

“The speedforce in his system seems to have stabilized, but I think he’s going to have to limit his Flash duty for the time being. At least until this is all over and he’s under less stress.”

“He needs Iris back.”, Cisco said simply. “She’s his rock. She keeps him grounded when he needs it most.”

“I agree Cisco, and we’re really close, but until she’s back with us we have to look out for him.”

“Caitlin?”, she looked at him. “What if we don’t succeed?”

“You can’t think that way Cisco. We’re going to bring Iris home, and she’s going to be ok.”

Cisco shook his head in agreement

“I’m going to pick up Joe.”

Joe was actually home now. He had even been to work this week, just to review some old files, but he had still been there. He still had a wheelchair, but he was also using a cane now. It was a true miracle how far he had come in just seven weeks time. 

Today the boys had planned to go to the airfield so they could begin testing some of the new technology. The technology they had developed from the shards of glass they recovered from the loft. 

Unfortunately, the most important tech they had developed was for The Flash suit. They had figured out a way to imbed tiny shards of the shattered mirror throughout the suit’s fabric, but now, with Barry being under the weather, they would have to push the suit testing back a few days. 

Joe was upset when Cisco told him about Barry’s health issues. Not because they couldn’t test the suit, but because he knew everything that had happened the past couple of months was really taking its toll on him. 

Caitlin was waking out of the medbay when Cisco and Joe walked into the Cortex. 

“How is he?”, Joe asked.

“He doesn’t feel well, and he just lost his breakfast.”, she said sadly. “He’s got a slight fever, but his blood is clear from infection. I’m guessing he’s got a twenty four hour bug. Hopefully some rest will make him feel better.”

“Is it ok if I go in?”, Joe asked. 

“Of course Joe.”

Barry was sleeping when Joe walked in and sat in the chair next to the bed. When he placed his hand on his forehead Barry opened his eyes. 

“Hi Joe.”

“Not feeling well?” 

“My stomach’s off.”

That sentence was a tell all for Joe. Not that an upset stomach couldn’t be a sign of sickness, but with Barry ninety nine percent of the time when he had any kind of issues with his stomach, it was because of his nerves. Although, right now he was feverish, so it may have been a combination of an illness and his nerves.

“Is there anything on your mind son?”

“No.”, he knew what Joe was thinking. “I think I really just have some kind of bug Joe.”

“Ok Barr. Just remember we are all here for each other. We’re all in this together Barry! Just remember that!”

“I know Joe.”

“Get some rest then.”

“Thanks.”, Barry said closing his eyes.”

While Barry slept he dreamed. 

They had pulled Iris out of the mirror dimension, but she was still in the coma, and they couldn’t get her to wake up. Barry leaned over her still body, his body was completely numb. “She’s gone Barry. We can’t save her.”, Caitlin kept saying over and over again. 

When he woke up, he was soaked in sweat, and his heart was beating so hard it felt like it was trying to escape his chest. He shot up and quickly headed to the bathroom. 

“Barry?”, Caitlin knocked on the bathroom door when the vomiting seemed to have stopped. “It’s Caitlin Barr. Can I come in?”

He flushed the toilet, ran some water to clean himself up, and then he opened the door.

“Talk to me Barr.”, she directed him back into to the bed.

“You had a nightmare?”, she knew he did. His vitals had spiked suddenly right before he woke up.

“I did.”, he confirmed.

“I know we’re going to get Iris back”, he said, “but she’s been in that place for a long time now. What if she won’t wake up? What if she’s gone Caitlin?” 

Tears were filling his eyes. She watched him try and take a deep breath but fail. She was going to assure him that he was wrong and that Iris would be fine. That she would be home soon, but she couldn’t guarantee any of that. 

“Do you want me to give you something to calm your nerves?” 

He tried to take another deep breath. “Yes, please.”, he looked ashamed.

“You shouldn’t feel bad about it Barr.” 

“I know.”

“Go lay down. I’ll be right back.”, she smiled. 

Caitlin had formulated the perfect dose of anxiety medicine for Barry. When his anxiety got the best of him the medicine helped to relax him, and most importantly, he was able to function normally. It had been more than three weeks since he had needed to take it. She wondered if that’s why he seemed upset about needing to take one now. 

When Caitlin returned he was sitting on the side of the bed. First she handed him something for his fever.  
“Do you have any new symptoms since this morning?”, she asked. 

“No, just my stomach still.”

She gave him the anxiety medication. He needed to rest and not have nightmares, she was sure the medicine would help him do that. He swallowed the pill and laid back. She sat with him as it took effect. 

“You feel any better?”, she asked feeling his warm forehead.

“I do. Thanks Cait.”

“Ok then, get some sleep.”, she smiled as she stood up.

He closed his eyes, drifting off into a deep sleep.

Barry didn’t wake up until almost 4:00pm. 

CIsco had just left to bring Joe home. They had spent the day going over meta activity in the city. Cisco and Caitlin had been monitoring for crime as always, and of course the Flash had been actively out fighting crime as well most days, but since Barry wasn’t feeling well today, it gave them a chance to really dig into some of the ongoing hard to break cases for the police. 

Today hadn’t been a waist of time either. They had been able to provide the CCPD with valuable information which led to the capture of two metas, both of whom had been extremely hard to catch as of late.

Barry’s first stop outside of the medbay was the kitchen of course. Caitlin hadn’t even realized he was up until she looked over at the security monitor, which had just conveniently flashed to the kitchen. 

Surprise turned to laughter when she looked at the table in front of where he was sitting. They always kept extra everything in there for Barry, and right now he was eating all of it. She was going to use the intercom system to call him, find out how he felt, but she could see by his eating, at the moment, he was feeling much better now. 

Her eyes had left the monitor while she continued to work and when she looked up Barry had left the kitchen. She figured he was probably on his way back to the Cortex, but when the screen changed again she found him. He was in the Flash suit running laps in the Speed Lab. Her first instinct was to call to him over the com’s, but she decided not too. If there was a natural way to calm Barry’s mind it was running, so she decided to just turn on the suit’s monitoring systems. 

His vitals were great. His fever was gone too, which made her very happy. As she watched him run she noticed that there seemed to be a glitch in the Speed Lab camera system. She made a note on a piece of paper next to her. They’d have to look into that.

“What’s he doing?”, Cisco asked sounding upset. She hadn’t even heard him return.

“He’s fine Cisco. He’s not sick anymore and he needs this.”

“No, I mean, it’s not the fact that he’s running, it’s that he’s using the upgraded suit.” 

That’s when Caitlin realized there wasn’t a glitch with the camera’s at all. 

Barry’s body was actually disappearing and re-appearing as he ran, and while it was happening his body seemed prismatic. Cisco was staring at the screen. “It’s working!”, he said not quite believing what he was seeing. 

“Barry come to the Cortex.”, Cisco called into the com’s.

“Damn I wish Harry was here.”, Cisco said, the sound of sadness in his voice.

“I miss him too Cisco.”, she rubbed his shoulder.

They had really all had such a turbulent nine months. They’d lost so many people during Crisis, and so much had changed in their world, in the entire world actually. 

“What’s up?”, Barry said sliding into the room. 

“You were supposed to wait to test that. Joe and I wanted to be with you.”

“Test what?”, he obviously didn’t realize he had the test suit on.

“Oh man.”, Cisco realized what had happened. 

“It’s my fault. I put the test suit in your normal suit’s spot because we were supposed to test it today.”

“This is it?”, Barry asked running his fingers down the front. 

Both Caitlin and Cisco watched as he explored the fabric. 

“Are you ok Barr?”, Caitlin asked cautiously.

“Yeah. I’m fine.” 

He actually did look fine. “Are you up for a little more running?”

Cisco had to ask. I mean he had the suit on after all. 

“I don’t know guys.”, Caitlin chimed in. He was sick today.”, she wasn’t sure he should be using his powers at all right now. 

“Just a few more laps. That’s it, I promise. If Barry’s up for it.”, Cisco continued. 

“I suppose a few laps inside would be ok.”, Caitlin conceded. 

Cisco looked over to Barry who seemed more than willing to participate.

“I’m up for some more running.”, Barry confirmed. 

“Well, then I’ll stay here and monitor your vitals.”, she was still a little uneasy about this. 

They didn’t disappoint her though. Barry ran for about ten more minutes, while Cisco recorded him. The look on Cisco’s face was of pure joy as they both approached her. 

While Cisco was setting up the video feed, Barry leaned over to Caitlin.

“I’m going to stay at home tonight and I was wondering if I could take another pill before bed.”

She didn’t need to ask him why. They were heading into the home stretch, and he was going to need help with his anxiety. 

“Yeah Barr. Take one at bed time and one with breakfast.”

“Thank you.”

“You’re welcome.”

“You guys ready?”, Cisco asked. 

The video was fascinating. The faster Barry ran the more his body seemed to appear as fractured translucent glass. It was surreal. 

When they were getting ready to leave Barry told Cisco about his intention to sleep at home tonight. Although Cisco was a bit apprehensive about him being alone, he also understood. Barry was much better now. He was very open with his emotions with all of them. He also knew they both needed some time for themselves, alone with their own thoughts. 

“Tomorrow we’ll head outside for some different tests.”, Cisco said. 

“That sounds good CIsco. “Will you be picking up Joe?”

“Yes. He’s going to spend the entire weekend with us, so I’ll be picking him up early.”

“I’ll see you guys at the airfield at 10:00?”, Barry asked.

“Sounds good to me. See you in the morning.”

At the loft

The minute Barry walked in the door his chest felt tight, but he knew he had to continue. He had to face what had happened. He dropped his keys in the tray, hung his coat on the hook and continued past the kitchen and into the dining room. He stood there looking around, taking it all in. The last time he was here he had faced the imposter and he had almost died. He turned a chair and took a seat at the dining room table. He had to catch his breath. His mind was racing, it happened here. This is where she, it, stole part of him. This is likely where she, it, had died. His stomach was turning now, he had to calm himself down. He stood up and walked into the living room. 

Entering the living room felt soothing. He and Iris had spent many intimate moments together in this room. He walked around, stopping at their wedding picture, and then again at a few others. His mind was calming now, and in turn his body was too. He felt sadness, knowing Iris wasn’t there with him tonight, but he also felt safe, and hopeful, that she would be there with him soon. 

He sat on the couch, his mind wandered to the days events. He replayed the video Cisco had recorded over and over again in his mind. Tomorrow would be the day they would determine if they were ready to rescue Iris. 

He was optimistic, but he was also starting to feel anxious again the more he thought about it. 

He knew the closer they got, the more his anxiety had surfaced. He had been doing so well controlling it as of late, and then this morning the idea of field testing the new equipment had caused his physical body to retaliate. Even though he wished he was able to control his feelings without the help of medication, he was proud of himself for realizing he did need some help. He knew Caitlin was proud of him too. He was more than thankful for the people he had is his life. 

He yawned. He was getting tired now, but he wasn’t ready to let himself fall asleep just yet. 

The reason he had decided to face his fears and sleep at home tonight wasn’t only so he could be alone with his thoughts, but also, he had been dealing with some unwanted erections all week. It was difficult for him to even think about sex lately, and his body had been extremely patient with him. But he was a speedster, and his needs in this department were much higher than any normal person. It wasn’t letting up either, and the more he had to relax the urge, the more he realized it wouldn’t be the worst idea to bring himself to a release. It may even help to calm his mind some. 

He stood up and headed upstairs to the bedroom. He couldn’t bring himself to sleep in their bed, so he changed into something comfortable and quickly made his way back downstairs, pillow and blanket in hand.

His mind was racing again when he sat back down on the couch, so he took his medicine and made himself comfortable under the blanket. It didn’t take long at all before his anxiety started to ease. 

Once he felt better, he relaxed his body and concentrated on what he needed. He slowly moved his hand under the blanket, his hand quickly meeting his growing bulge. He started to gently squeeze and rub himself over his sleep pants. 

Right away he realized how much he really did need this. 

It felt so good to finally give his body the attention it had needed.

“Feels so good.”, he said under his breath. 

It had been way too long to go so slow, so he moved his hand under his sleep pants, his touch felt even better over his boxer briefs. When he lightly held his balls in his palm he started to moan, it wasn’t intentional, but he couldn’t stop it. 

“Ohhh....”, another quick squeeze of his balls felt so good. “Mmmm...”, and his length. He moved his palm from the bottom to the top, using his thumb to rub around his red sensitive head. 

Another moan escaped his lips. He needed more. Finally his hand made its way inside his briefs. Skin on skin, his breathing was getting faster now. He wasn’t going to jerk himself yet, he was just going to rub, up and down, up and down, but as he did he felt the build to orgasm was much faster than he had anticipated. He knew he was close, and his pre-cum had already soaked his briefs and hand.

He sat up, pulled his sleep pants all the way off and headed to the bathroom. It would have been way to messy for him to stay there. His orgasm was going to strong. There was no question about it. It really had been way too long. 

As soon as he entered the bathroom he quickly pulled off his briefs. His swollen erection now free, dripping, and standing at attention. He pulled up the toilet seat, and after using his pre-cum to lube his hand, he slowly started to masturbate. 

It didn’t take long before slow strokes turned to fast, and oh it felt so good. His hand slid up and down his length, from his tip to his balls. He was so close, the build growing with intensity. He propped himself against the wall with his left arm, his right hand holding his hardness. ”Almost there.”, he could barely breath. Finally it hit him, and he moaned loudly, as rope after rope of thick white cum exploded from his tip. 

His eyes opened, he looked down, watching continuous thick ropes of cum land into the toilet below. The release was definitely intense, and it felt so good. He thought the spasms would never end.

When his orgasm slowed he took a deep breath, moving away from the wall. He felt so good, so relieved, and actually still pretty horny. He giggled at that familiar, can always go again, feeling. It was ok though, he could calm himself down for now. He was satisfied for tonight. 

Once he cleaned up, he tucked himself back in on the couch. He was ready for tomorrow and he was positive that he would have Iris back with him soon. His body and mind felt so calm now, so he closed his eyes and before he knew it he was sound asleep.


	7. Success Is Assured

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Tests are successful, The speedforce in Barry’s system is dropping, the plan to rescue Iris has been made and Barry doesn’t want to wait any longer to execute it. 
> 
> Chapter includes sexual content.
> 
> See Chapter Notes at the end of Chapter for specifics.  
> Be advised information includes a chapter spoiler.

Barry beat Cisco and Joe to the airfield. He woke up feeling good, which made him extremely happy. After breakfast he took his medication, there was no reason not to, and off he went. 

When Cisco and Joe arrived at the airfield they weren’t alone, Caitlin was with them. Even though none of them would admit it, she was there for Barry. His health hadn’t been the best as of late and she was his doctor after all. Today he felt pretty good, but he was still glad she was there. 

Cisco had developed two unique items from the shattered glass.

(1) a high powered mirror manipulator gun which was currently in Joe’s hands. 

and

(2) the shard infused Flash suite which Barry was wearing, which happened to be the most important piece. 

“Ok Barr you’re up.”, Cisco said looking toward Barry. He was sitting on the steps of the trailer staring at the ground. “Barr.”, Cisco called again.

“Oh, sorry.”, Barry said standing up. 

Caitlin moved towards him as he stood, but he held his hand up letting her know he was good. She didn’t completely believe it, but she respected his wishes, so she turned back to her spot at the monitors. 

“Ready?”, Cisco placed his hand on his shoulder. 

Barry took a deep breath. “Yes.”

“Ok. I need you to reach mach three by the time you are within twenty feet of us. When you do, Joe is going to hit you with a blast from the gun. The waves of light filter infused shards, should pass right through you. 

“What if it doesn’t pass through him Cisco?, Caitlin asked. “What happens to Barry?”

“Worst scenario?”, Cisco asked. Caitlin’s wide eyes were answer enough.

“Third degree burns at the sight of impact.”

He knew It would be harsh on Barry if it didn’t work correctly, but Barry had agreed to the risks, and they all knew he would heal quickly if he was injured. 

“It’s fine Caitlin!”, Barry interjected. 

Barry was starting to feel lethargic. It had been happening to him a lot lately after a quick run. Even before he lost Iris. He wanted to get the training started now in case it got worse. 

Barry looked at Cisco, shook his head to let him know he was ready, and started to run, not giving Caitlin any time to continue the conversation.

Barry passed and turned on his starting point in a fraction of a second. 

“Now Joe!”, Cisco yelled when Barry was in range. 

It worked perfectly. When the beam of light hit the suit, the suit appeared as translucent flickering glass. Barry didn’t have a scratch on him. Too bad they couldn’t say the same for the bush nearby they had inadvertently torched when the beam that passed through Barry hit it head on, but it had died for the greater good they concluded.

Barry took a seat on the stairs again. It was obvious something was bothering him, but his high fives and excitement after the successful test made it clear that it wasn’t emotional. 

Joe wheeled himself over to Barry. “Everything ok son?”

“I’m fine Joe.”

“Talk to me Barr.”

“It’s nothing Joe. Really!”

Joe knew something was bothering him, but it was obvious that Barry wasn’t going to come clean about whatever it was, so he dropped the subject.

“Ok Barr. Just remember we’re in this together.”

“All we have left is a few additional calculations, and we can make them in the speed lab.” CIsco said. 

“Eat up Barr.”, Caitlin said handing Barry a protein bar.

He opened the bar, but he ate it noticeably slower than usual. 

When they returned to Star Labs they got right to work. The additional calculations only took about an hour. Everything had fallen into place perfectly. They were ready to strategize a rescue plan. It was time to go get Iris back. 

“Where’s Barry?”, Cisco asked, clipboard in hand. Barry had disappeared after lunch not saying a word. 

“I thought he was with you and Joe.”, Caitlin answered. She had taken to her lab, going over some of Barry’s samples she had taken when they returned from the airfield. 

“Nope.”, Cisco said sounding frustrated. 

“Wait Cisco. Come here.”

“He’s not feeling well.”, she said matter of factly.

“Again? Did he tell you that? He wouldn’t even tell Joe what was bothering him.”

“He didn’t tell me.”, she frowned. “He didn’t have to.“

“Look at his speedforce numbers.”, she showed him her tablet with Barry’s test results.

“Fifty percent?” “That’s not good at all!”

“It’s not, and I’m sure using his powers the way he did this morning made him feel terrible.”

“Why didn’t he want anyone to know?”, Cisco asked sounding flustered. 

“I’m guessing he didn’t want the tests put off any longer. He wants to get his wife back.”

Cisco didn’t say anything. He knew she was right. 

“There he is.”, Caitlin pointed to the video feed of the lounge on the monitor. Barry looked to be asleep on one of the couches. 

“I’ll go talk to him.”, Cisco said

“Just go easy on him Cisco.”

“I know.”

Joe followed Cisco to the lounge. Barry was out cold. They knew his body needed time to recover from this morning, so they quietly sat out by the bar, grabbed themselves something to drink, and started to strategize a rescue plan.

One Hour Later

“Hey.”, Barry said taking a seat next to Joe.”

“Check it out man.”, Cisco handed him the schematic they had been working on. 

“This is great!”, Barry smiled. They both could tell by looking at his face he felt much better now. He was going to need breaks to recuperate when he used his powers from now on and there was no way around it.

There was also no point in denying it anymore, he was going to lose his powers, and there was no way they could stop it from happening. They were going to have to address it soon no matter how uncomfortable the topic was. 

“Let’s do it tonight.”, Barry said, he didn’t want to wait any longer. 

“Yeah. Let’s go get Iris.”, Cisco agreed. 

They both looked at Joe when he hadn’t said anything. 

“Let’s do this!”, Joe smiled.

There was nothing Caitlin could come up with to stop them. That was ok though, because she knew they were ready, and with the speedforce leaving Barry’s system at a steady pace as of late, now was much better than later. 

At McCulloch Technologies 

Cisco and Barry stood in front of the infamous mirror, while Caitlin and Joe monitored the situation from Star Labs.

Cisco had suited up as Vibe. Even though he wasn’t Vibe anymore, he was definitely playing the roll of a superhero tonight. Not to mention the suit and glasses were perfectly made for the plan they were about to execute tonight. 

Barry took a deep breath. “See you in a second.”

He sped away from the building and was back before Cisco could blink. As Barry jumped toward the mirror, at mach three, Cisco aimed at the suit, the rays from the mirror gun having the same effect as they did this morning. Instantly Barry was translucent, and now he had passed into the dimension behind the mirror. 

Behind the mirror

Barry walked around, room after room. There was no sign of life. He had no connection to his friends in the real world now, no one to direct him, and no one to save him from any danger he may run into. It didn’t matter to him though, he was so close, he had to find Iris and Eva. 

“Flash.”, she appeared out of nowhere. 

“Where’s Iris?”, Barry asked right away when he saw the woman appear. 

“Once you give me what I want, I’ll give you what you want.”

“It won’t work. Your plan to use my powers failed!”

“You’re not wrong. My calculations were incorrect, but there is still a way that your powers can save me.” “They can save all of us Barry.”

“Bring me to Iris.”, Barry insisted. 

She did as he asked. Iris was still comatose, but she was alive. He reached out to touch her arm, the connection immediately bringing him a sense of relief. His Iris, his life. She was right next to him now. 

He looked up at Eva, he could feel his body shake and his chest tighten. “Not now.”, he thought to himself. 

“You need me to wake her up and I need you to take me with you.” It’s a win win Barry.”, the woman assured.

“Do we have a deal Flash?”

He took a deep breath. Thankfully his lungs were somewhat cooperating. 

“Yes. We have a deal.” She wouldn’t get away with all of this, but he had no choice, he had to take her with them. He would have anyway, even without her threats, but she didn’t need to know that. 

Eva moved her hand to Iris’s temples, and her eyes started to open. 

Barry softly rubbed her cheek. “Iris”

Her eyes connected to his. Her hand reaching up to his face. 

“Barry?”

He pulled the cowl off, and moved his hand to hers.

“It’s me Iris.”, he leaned into her touch. 

“I’ve missed you so much.”

“Yeah yeah. You love her, she loves you....enough with the romance already. It’s time to go, and I have a husband to kill.”

“You’re not killing anyone.”

“We’ll see about that.”, she said under her breath. 

Iris sat up. Barry looked worse off then she did at the moment. She still had his hand so she gave it a gentle squeeze. Right away he seemed to gain a little bit more control of his emotions. He carefully helped Iris stand and grabbed onto Eva. 

“Now!”, he said

Then he felt it, she connected to him almost exactly how the clone had, but it was only for a second, after which he only felt a slight rush of pain, that quickly faded into a dull ache in his stomach. 

Seconds later all three of them had left the mirror dimension. 

In a flash of light Eva disappeared. Cisco was about to chase after her, but Barry suddenly fell forward. He had passed out. Luckily Cisco had been able to recalculate the interdimensional extrapolator and it worked again. Caitlin grabbed the extrapolator and quickly breached to them. 

Iris was sitting next to Barry on the floor, her hand on his sweaty head. 

“Iris!”, Caitlin smiled. 

“Her arm.. she used it like a needle. It hurt him.”

Caitlin didn’t panic. “He’ll be ok. Let’s get you out of here and I’ll come right back to get him.”

“I’m right here with him Iris.”, Cisco saw she was hesitant to leave him, he said placing his hand on her shoulder. 

Caitlin helped Iris stand, quickly bracing her on her shoulder and breached away. As soon as she had Iris safely at Star Labs she breached back to McCulloch Technologies. 

Barry was conscious sitting up braced against Cisco’s leg, but he didn’t look well. 

“It’s not like last time. “Just feel weird.”, he moved his arm to his midsection.

They carefully got him up, and together breached him to Star Labs. Iris was already in a bed, so they placed Barry in the bed across from her. 

While Caitlin worked to stabilize Barry, Cisco sat with Iris, who was thankfully in much better shape then her husband at the moment. Cisco had hooked her up to an IV. She was definitely dehydrated, but that seemed to be the worst of it.

Caitlin was sure there was more than one thing going on with Barry at the moment. 

She knew the body aches and the stomach pains he was experiencing were caused by whatever Eva had done to him, but she was also confident that what Eva had done, wasn’t nearly as bad as what the clone had done. The location of the pain he was experiencing were the same as before, but the severity was nothing like it had been that night. 

Now though, he was having trouble breathing, but the initial MRI scan only showed slight inflammation in his stomach, and other than that, there was no damage to any of his internal organs. And the first blood results showed no damage to his cells, and the amount of speedforce in his system hadn’t changed. It looked to her like Eva had only shared his powers while she was connected to him, and that when she discounted from him the connection ended. She hadn’t stolen anything from him this time. 

“Is he ok?”, Iris asked. 

“He will be Iris, but you need to rest.”, Caitlin was in doctor mode at the moment. Iris knew that. 

“He was having an anxiety attack in there.”, she couldn’t not worry about Barry, and Caitlin knew that. 

Caitlin had just given him something for pain and his elevated body temperature. His vitals weren’t terrible, but they were all elevated. She grabbed some of the stronger medicine she had used to help him relax when he was sick and put some into the IV. His eyes opened a few minutes later.

“Feel any better?”, Caitlin asked.

He shook his head yes and closed his eyes again. 

Over the next hour his vitals stabilized. 

“His speedforce is down to forty percent.”, Caitlin said to Iris as she switched out her IV. It had dropped suddenly again. 

Caitlin had known his overall condition was more than anxiety, but losing another ten percent of the speedforce in a little more than an hour upset her. 

“He’s Barry Caitlin. He’ll get through this. We’ll get through this.”

Caitlin smiled. “It’s good to have you back Iris!”

Over the next couple of hours Iris grew stronger and stronger. It seemed that whatever Eva had done to her, keeping her in the state she was in, saved her. It somehow kept both her body and mind heathy. 

While Barry continued to sleep Joe caught Iris up on the past two months. The details of their life without her was distressing. 

Her dad had almost been paralyzed. Even though he would walk, he was walking with a cane now, he was still in danger of never regaining full mobility. 

And her husband, Barry had been through hell and back. He had almost died too. Not to mention the illnesses he had battled, his anxiety, almost committing suicide. And now the speedforce was leaving him. Once everyone had left the room she started to cry and she couldn’t stop. 

She couldn’t remember anything from the time she had been held captive, but she felt so much pain for the man laying on the bed across from her. She couldn’t come to terms with everything she had been told. She just wanted to hold him. 

So that’s what she did. Caitlin had removed her IV already, so she moved off of her bed and onto Barry’s. She buried herself into his side, laying her head on his shoulder, her arm around his chest, tears still running down her cheeks as she fell asleep. 

When Barry woke up with Iris in his arms he felt a sudden rush of calmness rush through him, a calmness like he hadn’t felt in a very long time. It hadn’t been a dream he realized. They had been successful. The proof was tucked up beside him. He gave her a slight squeeze. He had no idea what time of the day or night if was but he didn’t care. It didn’t matter. The only thing that mattered was that Iris was home and that she was safe. 

“Barr.”, she looked up at him with a tired smile.

“Iris!”, tears were already forming in his eyes. 

Caitlin peeked in.

“You want that out.”, she pointed to her hand and then Barry’s.

“Yes please.”, he answered. He looked much better now.”

Caitlin took the IV out, did a quick check of his vitals and then had him sit up so he could eat power bar.

“I’ll be in my lab if you need me. You two catch up, but get some sleep.”, she smiled.

There wasn’t much to say other than how much they loved each other. Neither of them wanting to let go of the other. 

She could feel Barry’s hardness pressed against her. She knew they couldn’t act on it. Even though it was the middle of the night, Caitlin was still in her lab. 

But maybe....

Iris reached for the roll of paper towels next to the water pitcher on the tray next to the bed. Once the roll was a quick grab away, she gently pressed her lips against Barry’s. His eyes only opened for a second, and he quickly reciprocated. 

They had each other back now, and even though it wasn’t sex that drove their relationship, both of them needed this right now. 

Barry’s hands wandered first. Iris moaned into his mouth when his fingers softly teased her nipples. 

“You like that?”, he whispered 

“Mmhmm”

She could feel his hardness growing against her.

Iris gently pulled away from the kiss. “Hold that thought.”, she said making her way off of the bed. 

Barry watched as she left the room. When she returned she had a big smile on her face. She closed the door to the room and locked it.

“You know she has a key right?”, Barry giggled at Iris’s intension. 

“Not right now she doesn’t.” Iris held up the key she had just swiped somehow.

“Iris West Allen! That still doesn’t really solve the problem you know.” Caitlin would just knock when she couldn’t find her key, not to mention, when she discovered the door was locked she would quickly figure out what they were up to. 

“She’s sleeping.”, Iris’s smile grew wider. “I took the key just in case.”

There was still no guarantee this wouldn’t wind up in embarrassment, but it was worth the chance. 

Before Iris got back into bed she removed her t-shirt, sweatpants, and underwear. She had removed her bra hours ago. It wouldn’t have been comfortable to sleep with it on. 

“Are these coming off Mr. Allen?”, she pulled at his waistband. 

He seemed quiet all of a sudden. 

“You ok Barr?”, she rubbed his cheek.

“Yeah. I just love you some much Iris. I don’t know what I would have done.... (her lips met his again) “I’m here baby, and I love you just as much.” 

Their lips were now pressed together again. She reached down to his waistband, giving it a tug. This time he giggled into her mouth before gently pulling away. Once he discarded his sweats and underwear he leaned back into the kiss. Iris quickly moved to position herself over his tall erection, and then she slowly lowered herself down onto it. Barry quickly tossed the blankets aside and carefully moved Iris onto her back. His thick erection now buried deed inside of her. 

“Mmm Barr.”, He was so hard! She moved her hand through his hair and he started to move his hips. 

The sex was slow and passionate. Barry’s pace was just right for both of them. The closer he got to orgasm the faster his thrusts became, and the faster he moved, the louder Iris moaned. She was right on the cusp of orgasm herself. When Barry’s hips slowed, Iris felt him erupt deep inside her. The spasms from his orgasm caused her own orgasm to take hold. 

Once Barry’s orgasm slowed, he turned them back to the position they had started in. Barry was still hard inside her, which felt perfect for Iris while she continued to ride out the aftershocks from her orgasm. 

Barry connected his lips to hers, letting his body relax. 

“Guess we didn’t need these after all.”, she reached for the paper towels. Barry couldn’t help but laugh. 

Iris returned the keys without issue. Caitlin was still sound asleep. Her and Barry slept comfortably the rest of the night. When Caitlin entered the room in the morning to take their vitals, she didn’t notice anything out of the ordinary. 

Iris was healthy, no lingering affects from her time in the coma what so ever.

Barry was healthy, but there were still some issues they had to deal with. 

When Caitlin handed him a pill with a glass of water he blushed. 

“I don’t think I need.., Iris cut him off, her hand on his. “Barr.”, was all she had to say. 

The last time Barry had really struggled with his anxiety was after Zoom killed his father. When he admitted he needed help, his recovery was much faster and smother than it had been before hand. 

They all knew the medicine helped him, and it really didn’t have any negative effects, so he took the pill, and the water from Caitlin. “Thank you Cait.”

“You’re welcome Barr.”, she smiled as he swallowed the pill. 

She handed him a small clear bottle, which actually had an RX label. “one pill twice daily”.

“One with breakfast and one before bed.”, Caitlin instructed. 

He handed the bottle to Iris and she placed it in her bag for him. 

There was still one more thing Caitlin wanted to discuss with him before he left, but for now, she only mentioned it. “The speedforce in your system is low Barry. You need to be careful how and when you use your powers.”

“I know, and Eva is still out there.”, Barry said. 

“Cisco was working on that before he left last night. We’ll find her Barr.”, Caitlin assured. “But today I want you both to rest.” “Promise me!”

Before Barry could say a word Iris spoke up. “You won’t hear a word from us today. I’ll keep him busy, I promise.”

Barry’s belly tingled at her intention. 

Caitlin knew what she meant, she wasn’t naive.

“Ok you two, be good and I’ll see you tomorrow.”

With that Barry and Iris headed home together for the first time in over two months.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Barry and Iris are reunited. They spend the night at Star Labs so Caitlin can make sure everything is ok. During the night they have penetrative sex.


	8. First Steps

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Barry and Iris return home for some healing and some intimacy.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> *This Chapter contains descriptive Oral Sex

They walked into the loft. Iris stood at the door while Barry locked it behind them. She hadn’t experienced anything negative inside their home, but she knew Barry had. She also knew that that “thing” had lived there with him for two full weeks. 

Barry reached down, taking her hand into his, leading her into the living room. When they sat down on the couch Barry started to talk. 

“Nothing happened Iris. I knew it wasn’t you. Even though I didn’t really admit it to myself, I knew almost right away.”

“What did she do to you Barry? I mean dad told me the basics, but..” her lips started to twitch and tears started to fall. “I’m so sorry you had to go through all of that.”

Barry pulled her into him. He rubbed her back softly. “It wasn’t your fault Iris. You had every right to chase a story. You could never have predicted what would happen that night.”

“You weren’t exactly “living the life” while she was here either.”, he added.

She moved her hands to his arms. He had no visible scars. 

“Look at me.”, he gently placed his hand on hers. 

“It was a difficult time for me. I won’t lie to you. But it’s over and you’re home safe. That is all that matters now.” 

“You’re here in my arms right where you belong.”, he gave her a soft squeeze. 

They’d talk more about their time apart, but today, at this moment, wasn’t the time for that. His body wrapped around hers was comforting, but the feeling of his body against hers was doing more than just that. She also knew her being in his arms was doing the same to thing to him, she could feel it. She turned on her side, giving her access to his growing bulge. When she started to unbutton his button fly jeans, he just watched intently. His arm still laying softly around her back.

When she started to rub him over his briefs his breath hitched. When she squeezed his sensitive head, it hitched again. He laid his head on the back of her shoulder, letting her take over completely. He’d pay her back, but right now it was his turn to enjoy what she was about to do for him. 

She worked her hand into his briefs, gently pulling his erection out the front. He was so hard again, his tip already so red. She could feel his hot breaths on her ear. She slowly moved her body, so he would know she was moving and not hurt his neck when she did. As soon as he felt her tongue on his sensitive head he started to moan. His hand wandered from her hair to her back and back again, softly caressing her, while she moved her mouth and tongue up and down his length. She moved her hand to his balls, giving them a slight tug. The taste of his salty pre-cum quickly filled her mouth. He was seconds away from orgasm. He didn’t need to tell her anymore, she could always tell. She moved her head to his belly, his stomach moving fast with his quick breaths, while her hand jerked him fast. 

“Mm”, he moaned, he was about to explode. She stopped at the tip of his erection, rubbing around his sensitive head. She felt the spasms start, and she watched as spurt after spurt of his seed erupted from within. When it slowed, her hand, and his t-shirt, were covered in thick white stickiness. She gently placed her hand on his balls, giving them a rub and another gentle tug. She watched his cock spasm again. He wasn’t ejaculating again, but he was still experiencing intense orgasmic spasms. They had discovered this by mistake one night, and now whenever they had oral sex she did this for him. He always said the spasms felt just as good as the initial orgasm. 

“Once more baby?” “Mmhmm.”, he responded, right before she started the process again. While she watched his erection start to spasm again, her own need was quickly surfacing. 

When the spasms stopped this time they separated, quickly discarding their clothes.

Iris laid on her back against the side of the couch and Barry positioned himself in between her legs, his tongue quickly finding her most sensitive spots. She was just as soaked as he had been hard. The more he licked and sucked inside her, the more she moaned. It was her turn to enjoy what he was doing for her now, and she definitely was. He felt her soft spasms start, one or two at a time, on his tongue. She was seconds away from release. He moved his thumb to her swollen clit, and he used his tongue to bring her to her peak. He felt her strong contractions on both his tongue and hand as her orgasm took hold, her soft moans turning into quick breaths of euphoria. 

Barry moved up beside her, laid his head on her belly, while his fingers slowly rubbed her sensitive sex through the remaining contractions. When he felt her fingers in his hair he closed his eyes, just enjoying her gentle touch. 

When they were ready, they both showered. Once they were clean again Barry made breakfast, just like he had for Cisco the first night he had stayed with him. Iris wasn’t as surprised as Cisco had been, she’d had the privilege of his buffet style eating habits on more than one occasion. 

They spent the afternoon with Joe. He had called to see if they were up for company, and they were more than happy to spend some time with him.

They made plans to discuss their approach to taking down Eva and McCulloch Technologies tomorrow. All of them including Iris would meet at Star Labs first thing in the morning.

For today, the only only thing that mattered was family. Family, finally reunited after months of separation. They talked about everything. They talked more about Joe’s rehabilitation, not the accident, that would be touched on tomorrow. They talked about Iris, about the night she was abducted, about how she felt today. When it was time for Barry to talk Iris gripped his hand in hers, encouraging him to relax and let his real feelings surface as he spoke. 

He did terrific. He spoke, he cried and he healed. They were both proud of him. He was so strong all of the time, and when he struggled with his emotions it was hard for him to admit it. 

Barry knew that there were more obstacles ahead of him, major obstacles at that, but if he kept to the path he was on now, with the help of his friends and family he would get through it. He was confident that he would raise above those obstacles, and that everything would be ok in the end. 

Once Joe had left, they cleaned up the kitchen and then headed to what would be the last obstacle of the night for Barry, which would be sleeping in their bed. He had cleaned the entire house from top to bottom, including the bedroom, but he still hadn’t been able to sleep in their bed. Before his foot even touched the staircase he felt the tightness appear in his chest. Iris was in front of him, he wasn’t about to make her sleep in the room alone, especially tonight, so he took a deep breath and moved forward. 

When he walked into the room Iris was already grabbing her pj’s to change into. When he looked at his side of the bed he saw the bottle of medicine Caitlin had given him sitting on top of his night stand. Iris must have just put it there for him. He hesitated again, why he wasn’t even sure, but he did. He was nowhere near where he needed to be emotionally right now. Even though he did feel much better than he had without Iris there with him, he still had a ways to go before he could really consider not taking them. 

He grabbed his sleep pants from the drawer.  
Iris had disappeared into the bathroom now. Once he changed he sat on the side of the bed, an unopened bottle of water in his hand. His mind felt stuck in the moment. The bedroom situation didn’t seem as scary as it did a few minutes ago, but his chest was still tight. 

“Barr?”, Iris had climbed onto the bed beside him. He hadn’t even heard her come in. She rubbed his back. “You ok?”, she asked. He looked at her, he wasn’t sure what his answer should be, or what it was for that matter. 

“It’s ok baby.” Iris grabbed the bottle of pills, opened it and handed him one. He took it from her, opened his water and swallowed it down. He felt like such an idiot. He couldn’t even take a pill by himself. He was acting like an overgrown child. 

“I’m sorry Iris.”

She moved to her side of the bed, holding the sheet up for him. “Come here Barr.”

When he laid down she looked into his eyes. 

“Listen to me Barry!”, he did as she asked. “There is no reason for you to be sorry because you need a little bit of help right now.” “Do you understand me?”

“Yes.”, it was soft, but understood. 

She held her arms out to him and he connected his body to hers. It wasn’t about need or desire tonight, it was only about comfort and love. 

Barry fell asleep quickly, and Iris wasn’t far behind. The day was over, and tomorrow they were going to begin working on bringing the evil people who turned their lives upside down to justice. It wasn’t going to be easy, but they were going to make them pay for everything they had done. Because in the end, love and family would beat greed and selfishness any day of the week.


	9. When The Going Gets Tough

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The story continues as Barry, Iris and the rest of the team try to move forward. Their priority to bring Eva to justice. 
> 
> The speed force in Barry’s system is dwindling fast. Much faster than expected. 
> 
> Barry continues to struggle with anxiety, and his friends and family continue to support him.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Barry and Iris continue to satisfy their urges. This Chapter contains sexual content

The second Barry and Iris entered the Cortex they saw the news flash across the tv screen.

“Joseph Carver found murdered inside McCulloch Technologies. There are no suspects at this time.”

Barry stood there staring “We’re too late.”

“That’s true.”, Cisco said standing up, but Joseph Carver was not an innocent victim!”, he handed Barry the CCPD folder he had just been looking through. 

“He was behind Iris’s kidnapping, and he’s also the current owner of McCulloch Technologies. The reason Carver had Eva kidnap Iris in the first place was because she was too close to exposing him for the warped and corrupt individual that he really was.”

Barry sat down and opened the file. He couldn’t believe how much evidence the CCPD had on Carver already. He wondered why he hadn’t been arrested years ago. 

Iris had taken a seat beside Barry, but she was really quiet and she looked upset.

“Iris.”, Joe called to her from across the way. 

“Everything ok baby?”

“I’m, it’s just that.. I don’t remember anything about the case.” “I don’t even remember what drew me to McCulloch Technologies that night.”

“You don’t remember anything?”, Barry asked sounding concerned. 

“No.”, she looked up at him.

“I have to go to the Citizen”, she said standing up. 

“Iris you can’t just leave.”, Barry said standing, hoping to prevent her from leaving. 

“Barr.”, she gently grabbed his arm. “I have to go. I belong there. I need to review my files, and also babe, I have a paper to run.

Barry knew she was right, but the idea of being separated from her so soon after getting her back made him feel uneasy. 

“I’ll be fine Barry.” “I promise I will let you know as soon as I get there, ok?”

“Ok.”, she gave him a quick kiss on the lips. “I love you.”

“I love you too Iris.”

Barry would be ok, she knew he would. They were going to be just as busy at Star Labs today as she would be when she got to the Citizen.

When she left Barry sat back down and re-opening the CCPD file. 

“I wonder if Eva erased those memories from her somehow.”, Caitlin said. 

“Why would she so that though? Iris still has access to all the information she had before she was taken.”, Cisco chimed in. 

“I don’t think that was the plan.”, Barry said. “I think the clone was supposed to destroy all of her files. For all we know she might have already done that.” 

“I also think Eva was so desperate to get out of the mirror world when she figured out the clone was gone, she just didn’t think about the files.”

Joe picked up his phone.  
“I need a team at the Citizen 24/7. If they notice anything out of the ordinary I need to know right away.”, Joe ended the call and looked up at the team.

“I don’t think it will be as hard to find Eva as we thought it would be.”

Barry could feel his anxiety building. He had taken his medicine this morning, but at the moment he still couldn’t seem to calm himself.

“She’ll be ok man.”, Cisco was standing beside Barry, his hand on his shoulder. 

“Those girls are tough Barr.”, Joe chimed in. 

“I know.”, Barry said. They all knew he was feeling anxious at the moment. Luckily a few seconds later his phone started to buzz.

“I’m in the office xo.”, the text said. The look of relief on his face was immediate. 

“Iris is in the office.”, he let everyone know. 

“I think we should check out McCulloch Technologies tonight.”, Barry said. “I think it may be the best place to start.”

“I think you’re right.”, Cisco agreed moving back to his seat. 

“I think we may need to go back into the mirror dimension too.”, Joe said. 

“There are numerous former McCulloch associates, lots of missing persons reports.” If I had to guess, I would think the world beyond the mirror would be the perfect place to stash them.”, Joe concluded.

The news was still playing in the background. The sound of a familiar voice now filling the room.

“My husband, he rescued me, and now he’s gone.”, the woman said sadly.

Her story was well thought out and her timing perfect. Somehow her husband had tracked him down, the dirty cop who held her captive for six years, and during the confrontation both men had died at McCulloch Technologies. 

“I don’t believe it!”, Cisco said staring at the screen.

“She’s not getting away with this.”, Barry was looking really flushed all of a sudden. 

“He won’t Barr.”, Caitlin had taken a seat next to him. 

“Caitlin’s right Barr.”, Joe said. “We’ll get her, and when we do, she’ll pay for what she’s done.”

“What do you say we brake for some lunch.”, Caitlin said. It was almost noon already, and also, she wanted to take her daily blood samples from Barry. 

“I’ll grab some pizza’s” Cisco said. 

“I’ll drive.”, Joe said, standing up, cane in hand. The doctor had just given permission to drive this morning, and he was more than happy to take advantage of it as much as possible. 

When they left, Caitlin took Barry into the medbay. 

Barry sat on the bed while she filled two tubes with his blood.

When she finished she asked him to lay down. He did as she asked. He looked extremely flushed. 

“You’re heart rate is a bit high.”

“I’m feeling a little anxious.”, he admitted. 

“Try to relax. I’ll be right back.”

She returned a few seconds later with a post-it-note in hand. “I want you to try this app.”

He pushed himself up on his elbow, taking the small piece of paper from her.

“You want me to meditate?”

“I want you to try it.”

“Well I guess it couldn’t hurt.”, he admitted. 

He laid back down. “Will you come and get me when the food gets here?”, “I will.”, she smiled. 

His stomach wasn’t bothering him even though he was anxious. That was something, she figured.

When the food arrived, and Barry joined the team in the kitchen, he was feeling much better, and everyone noticed. 

“It really helps!”, Barry said sitting down next to Caitlin.

“I’m glad Barr. It always helps me.”

He was surprised she used it. He didn’t know she struggled with her feeling sometimes. 

After lunch, they had just returned to the Cortex when Barry’s phone rang. 

He hung up and quickly flashed away without a word.

“Barry!”, Caitlin yelled, but he didn’t stop. 

Cisco jumped up, immediately bringing up  
Barry’s location on the monitors for the suit. 

“He’s inside the Citizen, and his vitals are raising fast.”

“Barry.”, Cisco said into the com’s.

“Cisco.”, I’m here.

“What’s going on Barr?” “Why did you leave like that?”

“It’s Eva....she was here.”

“What?! Is everyone ok?”

“The girls were attacked.” Iris is bleeding pretty bad, and the office was on fire when I got here.”

It was evident that Barry was out of breath. Cisco quickly grabbed the breach devise and breached away. 

They returned seconds later, Iris and Cecile in hand.

“Cecile.”, Joe stood up immediately. “I’m fine  
she assured as he approached her. “I just happened to be in the wrong place at the wrong time.”

Cisco and Barry helped Iris to the medbay where Caitlin quickly got to work on her injury. 

“Barry sit down.”, he was about to pass out, she could tell just looking at him. He was sweaty and practically gasping for air. 

She looked at him sadly. “Thirty Eight percent today.” It was probably even lower now. He laid down on the bed. Caitlin left Iris’s side for a few seconds so she could get Barry set up with some oxygen.

“You ok?”, she asked. He shook his head yes as the oxygen mask started to fog up. His oxygen intake slowly stabilizing. 

When she finished stitching up and bandaging Iris’s arm Barry had fallen asleep. That was a good thing. He needed to let his body recover from the afternoons events. 

Cecile had already filled both Cisco and Joe in on what had happened. 

“She appeared out of nowhere. She immediately grabbed Iris’s arm, and just as quickly let her go.” 

“She used her hands to manipulate the mirror on the wall, and it shattered, injuring Iris. Then she used the shattered pieces of that mirror to cause all of the computers to explode by pushing them into the computers with her hands. Then she disappeared, and just like that she was gone.”

Iris looked over. Barry was still working to take in air, even with the oxygen mask. She grabbed a chair and moved it to his bedside. 

He removed the mask. “Hey.”, he said. “Are you ok?”

“Put that back on Barr.”, he did right away.

“I’m fine. It’s not that bad.”, she showed him her arm.

He moved the mask half way so he could talk. “Everybody else?”, he asked. 

“Everyone is fine!” “You and Cisco made sure of that.”, she moved the mask back over his nose and mouth.

When he started to sit up, Iris gently pushed him back down. “You need to let your body recover Barr.” 

He moved the mask again. “I was just going to grab my phone.”

She grabbed the phone and handed it to him.

She watched him bring up the meditation app. 

“It helps me.”, again moving the mask, but his breathing seemed to be a little better now. 

She smiled wide. “I’m glad babe.”

“I’ll be here when you wake up.” He put the mask back on properly, and she kissed his cheek right before he put his AirPods in. She moved her fingers through his hair and then she left the room.

-fast forward two hours-

Eva wouldn’t be hard to find. She had taken over at McCulloch Technologies. She was completely exposed now, but taking her down wasn’t going to be as easy at it should have been. Today proved that. She had made sure her intentions were crystal clear. 

Team Flash was to stay away from her, to stop meddling in her affairs, or bad things may start happening to them. Really bad things!

“I’ll take her down, Barry said, even if I have to use the rest of my speed to do it.”, he had just joined them in the Cortex, and he looked like he was feeling better. 

He walked over to Cisco, who was standing with his jacket on preparing to leave for the night, embracing him in a hug. 

“Thanks for the assist today!”

“I’ll always be there when you need me Barr.”

“I know man!”

“Why don’t you come to the house for dinner. The cook promised to make something wonderful tonight.”, Iris said as she laid her hand on Barry’s shoulder. 

Thank you guys, but I promised Kamilla some alone time tonight.”

“Ok man, see you in the morning..”

Caitlin had decided to spend some additional time at Star Labs tonight. She had been studying Barry’s latest test results, and she wasn’t quite ready to put them down yet. 

At the loft

Barry made a delicious dinner. He and Iris were currently sitting at the dining room table, hands on their bellies, feeling more than full. 

Barry seemed to be lost in his thoughts at the moment. Iris really didn’t have to ask him why, her mind kept wandering to the day’s events now too, but she always wanted to support Barry in any way that she could, so she moved from her seat across the table to the chair next to his. 

“We’ll figure it out Barr.”

“I know.”, it’s not just that.”

“Your speed?”

“Yes.”

There wasn’t much she could say to make this better. He was losing his speed and he was going to have to adjust to not having it once he did.

She turned the chair so she was facing him, and he did the same. She placed her hands on his thighs.

“We’ll get through it together Barr. You and I. We’re Barry and Iris and nothing can stop us.”

She leaned over for a kiss and he recuperated. 

This was one thing Barry would never lose. It was true that the gift of speed had kicked up his libido, but even before the accident it had always been high. 

His tongue explored her mouth, it always did. He had a lot of sexual hot spots, and his tongue was one of them. He moaned into her mouth. Her body was just as hot now as his was. She stood up and dropped her skirt. She reached over, undid his jeans, and pulled them off with a deviant smile.

Before he knew it she was on his lap, grinding down on his thick bulge. She leaned over to his ear, a soft lick with her tongue made him start to leak. She could feel his erection getting harder underneath her. The more she caressed his earlobes with her tongue the faster his breathing became, and the harder he got. 

Suddenly without warning he started to vibrate. It happened sometimes when he was really worked up, and it felt amazing. Sometimes he would let himself reach orgasm like this, and It seemed like tonight was one of those nights, and Iris was fine with that. 

She gripped him around his shoulders and just held on for the ride. He stopped the vibrations when Iris yelled out in ecstasy. His cock exploding inside his briefs as Iris’s juices soaked both of them.

Iris stayed put as they recovered from their releases. They both needed more. Even though they had been sexually active since the night she had been rescued, it hadn’t been enough for either of them. It was time, time for them to reunite properly in the comfort of their bedroom. 

Unfortunately, that wasn’t going to happen for them tonight. 

The second Barry stood up he collapsed. Thankfully a few seconds later he came too.

Iris helped him sit up, bracing him against her. 

“Sorry I ruined tonight.”, he was really pale and they both knew why.

“You didn’t ruin anything Barry!”

“We should call Caitlin, but first we need to clean up in case she wants to see you.” 

He was still lightheaded, but with the help of Iris he made it upstairs and into the bathtub. He laid his head back on the wall as the tub filled. 

Iris grabbed some soap and shampoo. Once the tub was full she joined him.

“You ok?”, she asked, even though she knew the answer.

“I really don’t feel well Iris.”, he looked upset and she knew why. He wasn’t sick, exactly, at least in the typical sense of the word anyway.

She grabbed the sponge and gently washed and caressed his belly and chest.

“What am I going to do Iris?”, he started to cry.

“I’m supposed to be The Flash, but my powers are being taken away from me. I need my powers Iris.

She moved beside him. 

“I wish I had answers for you Barry, but I don’t. But I do know this. You Barry Allen are the strongest man I know, powers or no powers. “You can do whatever you want to do.”

“You are the man I love Barr, the man I fell in love with, not The Flash.” 

“I love you too Iris.”, he couldn’t stop the tears now and Iris didn’t want him too. Letting his feelings out like this was healthy for him, and actually a long time coming. So she just held him as he cried, comforting him the best she could. 

When he was up for it, she helped him out of the tub. When they got to the room he got into bed. He felt lethargic, but overall he felt better now. Iris moved her hand through his hair. 

“I’m glad you’re here.”, he said softly. 

She kissed his cheek. “I’m glad I’m here too.”

When she was sure he was ok she left the room so she could give Caitlin a call. 

-On the phone-

“Twenty percent?”, Iris almost fell over.

“That was before he left, now though, it could be even less.”, Caitlin advised. 

Where he was feeling better, and she knew the reason for his collapse, Caitlin decided she didn’t need to see him unless they wanted her too. Iris agreed to call her if for some reason he didn’t continue to recover. That worked for both of them.

Iris had tears in her eyes as she climbed the stairs. Not because he wasn’t going to be The Flash anymore, but because Barry was losing a piece of himself. When she returned to the room Barry was taking his medicine. She sat down next to him slowly rubbing his back. 

“It’s almost gone, isn’t it?”, he asked after swallowing his pill.

“Yes.”, she started to cry. All she could do was hold onto him. His body shook, his chest tightened, and he cried harder than he ever had. 

She hoped with all her heart a solution would present itself to them, and that maybe they could revive the speed force somehow before his powers disappeared forever, but if they couldn’t, she knew he’d be ok. She would make sure of it.


	10. Switching Priorities

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Barry figures out a way to increase the speedforce in his system.

Cisco, Caitlin, Barry, Iris and Joe stood together in the speed lab. They had just all agreed that catching Eva was going to be put on the back burner. Right now they were going to combine all of their efforts and concentration into Barry and the speedforce. 

After hanging up with Iris last night Caitlin had called Cisco, who had mentioned something to her about developing some sort of artificial speedforce. They had spent most of the night on the phone discussing it, and they were both confident that with a combined effort, and perseverance, they could pull It off. 

“The speedforce in Barry’s system is still at twenty percent this morning.”, Caitlin said. “I’m going to mark that as our starting point.”

“I developed this for you Barry.”, Cisco handed him a watch, only it wasn’t just a watch. It was a speed gage. It would tell him when he was physically able to use his powers. When the watch was green he was good to go, when it was yellow he had to use them sparingly and when it was red he shouldn’t use them at all.

“You made this last night?”, Barry asked sounding surprised. 

“I developed it a few weeks ago, but I finished it last night.”

“Thanks!”, Barry said, sounding a bit chocked up. 

Iris rubbed over his back while he placed the watch on his wrist. Last night had been really difficult for him. He was nauseous and dizzy all night. Partly because of him using his powers the way he had, but mostly because he couldn’t get his emotions in check. Honestly, he wasn’t feeling much better this morning either. 

He wanted to say no when he was approached with the idea of switching priorities, but the fact was, if they didn’t figure out a way to prevent it, he was going to be powerless in a matter of days, if not sooner. 

Iris had just left for the paper, and Cisco had went to meet with an old friend regarding the proposed power source he wanted to use for the artificial speedforce. Barry wanted to go with him, but Caitlin asked him to stay so she could run some more tests. She did it everyday, and it just seemed like now would be the best time for her to do it.

Joe had left with Iris. She would drop him off at the station on the way to the Citizen. He was still the Captain after all, so even though he was a valuable part of the team at Star Labs, he had to spend most of his time doing his job. 

Currently Caitlin and Barry were in the medbay. She had already checked his vitals and drew some blood. 

“Your vitals are good Barr, and the tests I ran all came back negative.”, he had just told her he felt like he was coming down with something again.

“I’ve tried everything.”, he said. “I’ve been taking my pills and meditating, and I still just feel miserable. Maybe it’s more than anxiety?”

She looked at his wrist. The speed gage was green. 

“Go for a run Barr.”, he looked at her with questioning eyes.

“Running is fine when your green.”, his face instantly lit up.

“Are you sure?”

“I’m positive. Just in the speed lab, and don’t over do it.”

“Thanks Cait.”

Barry ran, and ran, and ran, and when he stopped he wanted to run some more, but not just in the speed lab, not even outside, he was about to do something he’d been contemplating since the first day the speedforce started to leave him. He was about to run to the past.

He wasn’t going to change anything. He’d never do that again, past or future. He was just going so he could be in the right place at the right time. 

He stood at the entrance to the time vault, with one last deep breath he put his hand on the wall and walked in. He strapped the tachyon devise to his chest, and placed the mobile Gideon in his ear. 

Caitlin had forbid him to go anywhere near the device. It wasn’t that she thought he would do anything like what he was about to do now. That hadn’t even crossed her mind. She had known that using it would drain the little speed force he had left, and that wasn’t what anybody wanted, including Barry. 

He entered the pipeline, his body froze and his breath hitched, but he wasn’t going to let panic get in his way this time.

“I have to try.”, he whispered under his breath. 

If his plan didn’t work, he was going to be stuck in that time period for quite a while, at least nine months to be exact. Not only that, it could have disastrous consequences, but there was no going back now. His mind was made up. He had to time this perfectly, and he was confident that he would. 

He took a quick look around him, his brain focusing on Iris. He knew she loved him, and that wouldn’t change even if he did lose his powers. The thing was, it was him that would change. He was barely getting through the days now. If he lost his powers completely, he may not be able to get through the day at all. 

His chest was getting tight, he couldn’t wait any longer. Another deep breath, he steadied himself, and off he went. 

Lap after lap around and around. “Approaching desired speed.”, came Gideon’s voice in his ear. 

“What the hell!”, Cisco had just returned from his meeting with his friend and turned on his monitor.

“What’s the matter Cisco?”, Caitlin walked out of her lab in panic. 

“Barry!”, he pointed to the screen.

Caitlin looked over just in time to get a quick glimpse of Barry disappearing into a wormhole. 

They both stood there, horror on their faces. They couldn’t believe what they had just witnessed. 

The CCPD December 11, 2013

The lightning bolt, the accelerator explosion, his younger self. They were all there, and he was just in time. 

He emerged from the worm hole, his entire body vibrating. He phased into his younger self at the precise second the lightning struck. They were both struck simultaneously by the lightning bolt. He flew one way, and his younger self the other. The pain was immediate and excruciating, but somehow he hadn’t blacked out. 

He was sure the lightning bolt wouldn’t put him in a coma this time. His cells had already been transformed, he just needed to recharge them, and he needed to reignite the speedforce in his system.

He stood quickly, the scene around him was so surreal. His twenty four year old self laying there so helpless. Chemicals smashed all over him and the ground. He didn’t have much time to think about it though. He could hear people running up the stairs to investigate the lightning strike. 

It had worked. He could feel it. He could feel the speedforce. He knew the speedforce was still destroyed in his time, and that they had to build the artificial one fast before this was all for nothing. From everything that Cisco had told him about his plan, he was sure they could do it, and now he had given himself what he needed to feel better, to help his team help him. He was back. The Flash was back.

Less than a second later he was running faster than he had in months, and a few seconds after that, he was entering and then exiting the wormhole, hitting the floor in the pipeline, back in the year 2020, maybe ten minutes after he had left. 

“Barry, what the hell man?”, he had just walked out of the pipeline. 

Caitlin stood there next to Cisco, just waiting for Barry to speak. 

“I did what I had to do.”

“And what was that?”, Caitlin asked.

“I increased the amount of speedforce in my system.”

Barry sat down and both Caitlin and Cisco joined him. 

The Flash suite had a huge burn/rip near his shoulder. 

Caitlin moved her hand to his wrist, gently grabbing onto the watch. It was green, and not only that. It registered the highest the gage could go. 

“How Barry? Were did you go?”

“2013.”, he said simply. 

She looked at him wide eyed.

“You smell terrible.”, Cisco said scrunching up his nose. It smelled like he had taken a bath in cleaning chemicals.

“The suits a mess man!” 

“Wait, did you..., Cisco moved his hand to the gash in the suit, it was still hot, get struck by lightning?”

He smiled. “Yes I did, at the exact same time as 2013 me did.”

They had lots more to ask him, and to discuss, but they all had to just take a step back at the moment. They had to make sure he was ok. 

“Let’s go check you out.”, Caitlin said softly, her eyes still concentrating on the watch. 

Once he was out of the suit, and in the medbay, Caitlin got to work. 

“Your vitals match what they were before Crisis.” He just smiled at her.

When she took blood, there was no sign of the puncture on his skin from the needle less than a second later. 

She wanted to yell at him, to tell him what he did was irresponsible, to reiterate what could have happened if anything had gone wrong. She didn’t though, she couldn’t. He hadn’t looked so happy and healthy in almost six months. 

He was sitting up buttoning his shirt when he heard Iris walk into the Cortex.

“Where is he?”, she asked Cisco. She didn’t sound happy. 

“Bartholomew Henry Allen!”, she definitely was not happy. 

“Time travel Barry?” “What in the world were you thinking?”

Cisco peeked in, mouthing that he was sorry. “You told on me?”, Barry asked.

“Told on you?”, she slapped his arm.

“You weren’t planning on telling me? Is that what it is?”

Even healthy Barry had struggled with anxiety from time to time, and right now she could see that her yelling at him like this, was causing him to panic. 

She sat down on the bed next to him. 

“Look at me Barry.”, he did, his eyes were watering. He was having a hard time catching his breath. 

“Calm down.”, she took his hand inside hers. 

She reached over embracing him in a hug. He was still in trouble, but she had to calm him down. She rubbed over his back. 

“I’m mad Barr. I won’t tell you that I’m not, but that doesn’t mean I’m not going to support you. I’m not going to leave your side through this.”

She was told how the clone had treated him when he was sick. She was sure that was contributing to what he was feeling now.

He held her tighter.

“I know, and I’m sorry Iris.” “I just had to try.”

“I know Barr, but what you did still scares the hell out of me.”

She gently broke the hug as his breathing evened out.

“Once Caitlin is finished examining your blood let’s go home. We’ll have a nice dinner, and then have a real conversation.”, Iris said calmly. 

“That sounds good.”, he agreed. 

“The speedforce in your system is at one hundred percent.”, Caitlin said. 

“What does that mean?”, Iris asked. “Is it going to be depleted again?”

“We’re in new territory.”, Caitlin responded. “Without the speedforce, I would think it will be, but where he just soaked up more of the speedforce, it may not happen anytime soon. I think we’ll need to take it day by day.”

At the loft

Neither of them had planned it, but neither of them were upset that it happened. Talking had quickly turned to kissing, which turned to foreplay, which led them upstairs, and into bed. 

Currently Barry was buried deep inside of Iris. He had already brought them both to orgasm twice, and they were both extremely close to a third.

“Iris”, he whispered in her ear. 

She knew what was coming. He carefully collapsed his body on hers, still buried inside her and started to vibrate. 

Their orgasms hit only seconds apart. Once they recovered this time Barry slowly pulled out.

“How do you feel?”, Iris had to ask.

“I feel incredible.”, and just in case she needed reassurance, he showed her his wrist. The watch’s speed gage hadn’t budged. 

Like Caitlin had earlier, she wanted to be mad at him, tell him all the reasons why what he did was irresponsible, and that he should have consulted her first, but she couldn’t do it. Seeing him in her arms, happy, strong and healthy, she was just as happy as he was.

Tomorrow was another day. Another challenge would arise and they would handle it together, but for tonight it was just the two of them. Besides, he was still rock hard, and she still needed more. So instead of talking, her tongue met his. Round four was about to begin.


	11. Struggles Make Us Stronger

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> This is the final chapter. There are some ups and some downs, but in the end the future looks brighter for everyone.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I hope everyone enjoyed this story. I like to take a break from the dirty stuff sometimes ha ha. 
> 
> I can’t wait for season 7!

“Hey Barr, this is Chester.”, Cisco had brought his friend with him to Star Labs this morning.

Barry had just returned from foiling an early morning bank heist, so he was still suited up. 

“You’re The Flash! I love The Flash!.”, Chester said enthusiastically.

“For now.”, Barry said shaking his hand.

“Hey man, CHEER UP! I’ve got this!”, Chester seemed to be a very carefree and confident guy. Barry wasn’t sure what to think of his optimism, but hey, if this guy could really help them build an artificial speedforce then he was happy to have him by their side. 

They didn’t waist any time, and Barry got to work right along side them. The afternoon passed quickly. They had made great progress too. The power source was ready, and now tomorrow they would start building the structure to hold it. 

Before he left to pick up Iris, Barry had Caitlin run one more quick test on him. The watch still registered green, twenty four hours later, so he figured, maybe, the speedforce in his system had stayed the same too. 

It had, as a matter of fact, it hasn’t budged. 

He had been called into Flash duty multiple  
times today, the work he had accomplished with Cisco and Chester today had been stressful, not to mention the amazing sex he had with Iris last night. He figured there was no way he wouldn’t have drained at least some of his speedforce. So when Caitlin confirmed the speedforce in his system hadn’t fluctuated one bit, he tried not to get overly confident it would stay that way for a while, but he couldn’t help not too.

The days moved by quickly, day after day, they worked to create more and more parts of what would eventually be the artificial speed force. 

It had been one month today since they had begun working together, and they were only about a week away from completion. 

Barry’s time fighting crime hadn’t changed at all in that time. The Flash had been back at full capacity for over a month now, and Central City was benefiting greatly from his recovered speed. 

Most importantly, more than thirty days had passed and he had only lost ten percent of the speedforce in his system. 

There was one negative change over the past month, Barry was really struggling with his anxiety again. It wasn’t affecting him like it was before though, he wasn’t having panic attacks now, he was just extremely high strung. 

He had stopped taking breaks. He wasn’t even eating like he should have been. When lunch time rolled around everyone would stop what they were working on and eat, everyone except for Barry that is.

Caitlin knew he wasn’t eating right, and she knew it was because of his nerves again, but he was too uptight and angry all of the time, so she had neglected to address it. She knew why, he felt the amount of time it was taking to build the artificial speedforce was much longer than it should have been, and he couldn’t convince himself otherwise. Luckily he had, his Iris, now, and she made sure he at least had dinner every night. Thankfully she was able to calm him down when they got home so that his stomach settled, and he was hungry. She too had been hesitant to discuss his new found personality with him. She knew they were close now, she only hoped they were successful. Because if anything did go wrong, she was afraid Barry may have a nervous breakdown, and that was something she never wanted to see.

One Week Later

“Turn the news on.”, was the text Cisco had just received on his phone from Joe.

Cisco did as asked right away.

-News Flash- swept across the screen.

Eva McCulloch, also known a Mirror Master, has been apprehended and taken into custody by the FBI, for three counts of embezzlement and two counts of fraud. Her arrest has also led to the capture of numerous cohorts, one of which has been accused of the attempted murder of police Chief Joe West. 

“When? How?”, Barry asked feeling shocked

“About an hour ago. Using information retrieved from Iris’s computer, before Eva got to blowing it up, and with information from Carver’s computer Eva had just never erased. I guess she figured once her husband was gone, she was done with him, and she just continued on with her life.”, Joe had just walked in to Barry’s question. 

“You took her down without The Flash!”, it was a statement, not a question. 

Iris had just entered the Cortex.

“Even The Flash needs some downtime every now and then.”, she placed her hand on Barry’s shoulder.

“What you mean is that I have been so helpless and pathetic you had to shut me out?”

“Don’t be ridiculous Barry. You know that’s not true.”, Iris assured.

“You’ve been working on Eva’s case since we rescued you, haven’t you?”

“You knew that Barry.”, she was a bit taken aback by his tone. 

Barry knew Iris was going after Eva, but with everything that had happened since they rescued her, somehow he just really hadn’t thought about it. 

“I have to go.”, he said sounding distraught. 

“Hang on Barr.”, she held onto his arm as he turned around. 

“Let’s go home, have some dinner, and we can discuss this.”

“I can’t right now Iris. I need to be alone for a little while. I’m sorry! I’ll see you later tonight.”, and with that he was off. Leaving his friends and family behind. 

“He’ll be ok.”, Joe said, he could tell the rest of the group wasn’t as confident as he was. 

Iris sat down on a chair nearby. She looked troubled. “Do you think we did the right thing by not keeping him up to date with our investigation?”

“What about convincing him we weren’t moving forward with the investigation at all?”, Cisco chimed in. 

“We did what was best for his health.”, Caitlin interjected with her opinion. 

“But I don’t think we did what was best for him.”, Iris said, the distinct sound of regret in her voice. 

Joe grabbed a chair and pulled it next to Iris. 

“We did what we had to do. He wasn’t in any condition to have more stress thrown his way. He needed to concentrate on saving his speed, and creating the artificial speedforce. Caitlin is right, he’ll understand that with some time.”

Iris shook her head yes, her dad was right, he would understand eventually, but she still didn’t feel right about what they did. 

Iris stood up. “I’m going to head home now. Let me know if you need anything from me, or if Barry comes back here.”

Barry didn’t know why or how he wound up at his parent’s gravesite, but that’s where he was. He sat there in front of their headstones, his thoughts spinning quickly in his head. He crossed his legs, placing his head in his hands.

“I don’t feel well mom.”, he would have given anything for his mother’s comforting touch right now.

“I’ve failed everyone in my life, including myself.” “I can’t control my emotions, and now my family and friends are shutting me out.”

He started to cry. “I miss both of you so much!”, he cried harder and harder.

“I’m so nauseous.”, he held his stomach. “See this is what I do to myself now.”   
“I’m so weak. It’s probably a good thing I’ll lose my powers soon. No one wants a weak and pathetic superhero.”

Iris had received the text from Cisco about thirty minutes ago. “He’s with his parents.”, Barry’s watch had a tracker of course. She had hesitated to go after him, but she couldn’t leave him alone like this, whether he liked it or not. 

She had been at the cemetery for over ten minutes now, she wanted to be sure she wasn’t intruding on him if the visit with his parents was helping to calm him  
Down, but when he stood up, heading towards the nearest trash can, she moved quickly. 

She made it to his side right as he started to gag. He looked over at her, nothing but pure sadness in his eyes as he started to vomit. She stood with him, running slow soft circles on his back. 

When his stomach stopped rebelling, she had him sit with her on a nearby bench. 

He looked so lost and upset. 

“I am sorry Barry.”

“You shouldn’t be. You were right, you all were.”

“I’m not so sure we were.”, she reached up moving his bangs away from his face.

“Let’s go home and talk. Would that be ok with you?”, Iris asked caressing his cheek.

“Yeah, ok.”, she could tell he felt a little bit better now.

As soon as they walked into the house and sat down on the couch he fell apart again. He really fell apart, worse than he had in a while. 

“Why can’t I just not be like this?”, he cried. 

Iris got up and grabbed one of his power bars and a glass of water. 

“I want you to relax baby.”, she put the bar down on the table in front of him and handed him the water. 

“Sip this. I’ll be right back.”

She grabbed the pill bottle from his dresser, it was obvious that he hadn’t even touched them this month. They had all figured that was the case, but he was a grown man, and he wasn’t panicking or breaking down, his current state was much different then it had been in the past. Caitlin said he had to make the decision for himself. Harassing him to take medicine would have only made him even more frustrated and angry. She had hoped, just as Iris had, that when they were finished with the artificial speedforce he would calm down and things would go back to normal for him. 

Iris took a seat next to him on the couch, he was slowly eating the power bar. He saw the bottle in her hand. “I don’t want to take those Iris.”

“Can I ask why?”

“They make me feel weak.”, he admitted. 

“You’re not weak Barry. We’ve talked about this.”

“Do you like feeling the way you feel right now?”, she asked, hoping for an honest answer. 

“No, but I haven’t felt like this all month, and I haven’t taken those.”, and she got one. 

She took a deep breath. “You haven’t been yourself all month Barr.”, she said sadly.

“What?”, she realized that he honestly didn’t know.

“You’ve been angry Barry, you’ve been on edge with everyone.”

“Well we have to get the artificial speedforce finished.”

“I get that Barr, but you being so aggressive isn’t what’s getting it done. It’s the people you have surrounding you. The people who want to help you because they love and care about you.”

“I don’t think I’ve been different.”

“What about the headaches and upset stomachs? Are they normal Barry?”

At Iris’s last sentence the sadness and panic he was experiencing disappeared, replaced by anger and denial. 

“I’m fine Iris!”

“Ok Barry.”, she put the pill bottle on the table next to his water. “Let’s just eat.”

“I’m not..” “hungry”, she cut him off. The half eaten bar had already made its way to the table. 

She sighed. “Well I am hungry, so I’m going to heat something up.”, she stood and headed to the kitchen. 

Barry’s mind was spinning again, which seemed normal for him these days. He sat back on the couch trying to process what Iris had just said and to go over the past month in his head. To think about the way he’d been acting towards his friends. He thought about how his stomach felt now, and the headache he was quickly developing, they had been daily occurrences as of late. He wanted to take his medication, he wanted to feel better, but that would mean he needed them, and he didn’t want to admit that. 

He looked over at Iris, who was heating her dinner on the stove. She was right about everything. As much as he resented them all for keeping him out of their pursuit of Eva, he understood why they did it. If someone else had been acting the way he had been, they would have been told to leave the speedforce project, not just kept in the dark about something else.

“I’m leaving a bowl of chili in the fridge for you so you can warm it up later.”

“I’ll have it now if I’m not too late.”, when she looked over at him he was taking a pill. She smiled to herself. “You’re not too late. Come out when you’re ready.”

Turns out Barry was more than hungry. He had three big bowls of chili and he could have eaten more. Iris was thankful she had made what she had originally intended to make. 

After dinner when they sat down to watch some tv Barry fell asleep. At first Iris thought it may have been because of the medicine, but it had never had that affect on him before. When she thought about it, she realized it was likely he hadn’t been sleeping right either, and now that his anxiety had eased tonight, and his mind was calmer, he was probably exhausted. She looked at his sleeping form, seeing him relaxed for the first time in weeks made her happy, but also sad. She hated that he had to struggle with his mental health. She wished she could do more to help him, but she also knew her just being there for him always helped, just like it had tonight. 

“Barr.”, she gently rubbed his cheek.

“Iris?, I’m sorry.”

“Don’t be sorry baby. I just don’t want you to hurt your neck.” 

He laid down, she took his legs on her thighs, seconds later he was out cold again. 

“That’s my boy.”, she smiled looking at his peaceful face. 

When it was time to go upstairs, he woke up slowly, but as soon as he changed and got into bed he was out again. She couldn’t help but smile again when she shut off the lights. He was her Barr, and she was his Iris, and nothing else mattered at that moment. She kissed him on his forehead before she tucked herself in, and they both slept soundly through the night. 

Next Day at Star Labs

Barry spent the first hour of the day apologizing for the way he had acted all month. 

Both Cisco and Chester acknowledged and accepted his apology. They all greed to make a fresh start today. They were in the final stretch now. It was time to finish this thing. 

He didn’t have to tell Caitlin he had started to take his medicine again, she already knew less than an hour after he arrived, but when he did tell her she let him know how she felt. She told him, as his doctor, she wanted him to stay on the medication indefinitely for now. He was very receptive and very agreeable. He felt so much better when he took them, now if he could keep his pride in check, it would be best for everyone. He knew he could, and he definitely would.

One Week Later

“Let’s do this!”, Chester stood up practically dancing. It was time to test the finished devise they hoped would create the artificial speedforce. 

Barry was sitting down being extremely quiet. 

“You ok man?”

“Yeah, just nervous.”

Iris had just walked in. “I’m sorry I’m late, there’s tons of traffic out there.”

Barry’s face lit up when he saw her. She sat down next to him, he had been nervous all night, even with his medication. She gently rubbed over his back.

“You doing ok?”

“I think so. I’ll feel better if this works.”

His speed gauge was yellow now. He hasn’t let up on anything, but he was starting to feel the affects as his speed started to leave again. He knew this had to work, it just had too. 

“Here goes nothing.”, Cisco said. 

Both Chester and Cisco entered the same command into their computers, right away the sound of a large fan rotating buzzed through the room, and then suddenly the machine came to life. Barry felt it immediately, his entire body tingled with strong waves of electricity. 

“It worked.”, Barry closed his eyes, took a deep breath, connecting both his mind and body to the speedforce they had successfully created. 

“What up party people?!”, it was out of nowhere. Chester’s calling card they had come to know. They all just laughed in happiness. 

Once everything had calmed down, Barry approached Chester who was packing his things, getting ready to leave. 

“Where you going?”, Barry asked.

Before Chester could answer the obvious, Barry said, and asked, what he had really intended to ask.

“We could use a guy like you around here everyday.”

It didn’t take Chester long to figure out that Barry was offering him a job, or to accept it. 

“Welcome to the team.”, Barry smiled holding out his hand. Chester shook his hand with the biggest smile he had ever seen. 

“Come up to the lounge when you’re ready.”

They celebrated that night like they had never celebrated before. 

The year 2020 would go down as one of the strangest years in history. It had thrown so much at them, from Crisis, to losing the speedforce. They were tested so many times. Iris had been abducted, Barry had struggled with his mental health like he never had before, and Joe had been temporarily paralyzed. In the end though they had come out on top. They had proved that love would win no matter what was thrown their way. 

They had survived Crisis, Barry hadn’t died, The speedforce had died, Barry had been almost stripped completely of his powers, but again, they raised above all the odds and successfully created an artificial speedforce. They brought Iris home safety, Joe had fully recovered from his accident, and the abductors and perpetrators had been captured and sentenced for their crimes. Barry had battled hard with his emotions and he had come out of his struggles stronger then he had ever been. 

In the end, Star Labs was much more then a lab, or a place of business, it was the home to a family. The Team Flash family, a team that never quit, a team that prevailed. A team that thrived from the love and respect they had for each other. Because in the end Love Always Wins!


End file.
